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Well, one of the brothers of the women that my brother  had his son  Luis with, his name was Jose. Jose started the fire and cut the bacon of a big piece of  the boar that  Anatoly had killed.

Then put the whole pig to barbecue on a spit, the whole rest of the big boar (wild pig),

while I prepare the eggs and he bacon on another open outdoors stove .

" Friends and others tourists in the island Anatoly"

” Friends and others tourists in the island Anatoly”

 

Anatoly (Toola as we called him,)  introduced me to his clients and friends from the boat; some of them were coming back repeatedly almost every year; there was a stewardess from Avensa airlines, some of these people were from Europe, like Joseph, and a Wall Street broker Barry (who reminded me of my friend also named Barry (friend of mine from New York and Los Angeles ), he helped me with the stock market, when to buy and when to sell, but now I rarely see him since I introduced him too the stripper named Stormy Weather, then their was an accountant from U.S, John, and  Arturo from Spain (a lawyer in criminal court) and Marilyn, a housewife ( her husband was back home in Caracas).

We had breakfast with drinks and more drinking and on and on;  this  went on throughout  the day –talking eating drinking–  the hours  rolled by,  very fast until Arturo said, Goodbye I have to go to Caracas on the late afternoon flight so I can catch the plane to Madrid at midnight today.

Arturo politely said his goodbyes asking Jose to take his things to the boat and take him to the mainland.

I did not mention this, but when it rains on the high mountains as had the last night, the river grows and the corrientes became  much more rapid and tricky. You have to know how to cross the river because it is never the same due to the waterfalls constant change in volume of waters. My brother insisted on another toast and more drinks and would not let him move or go to the boat, but finally he managed to get to the boat.

“Where is the boat? Jose where is the boat? senor yo no se!”,  Arturo got louder, almost screaming, “where’s is the boat? I must get on that plane, that flight,”    it was just across the river on the mainland, right there,  es he landing  srip and I can hear the plane”

Senor the waters most drag the boat down the river, the current it is very strong,…….si that is what happened senor.

Well we were all quiet we knew what had happened: Anatoly had untied the boat and let it go to get smashed and destroyed on the next water fall downriver, so he can have his company until he gets tired of them all has quests, his party would not stop and continued until he said so..

Next day my Indian lover show up on a boat from the hotel and was looking at me with those unmistakable  looking  eyes that say it all, everything that lips cannot say, and at that  moment my brothers’ eyes met mine and his, noticing what’s was unhideable.

Anatoly calling him by his name “Aquila”  (O, I like that, his name is great, an eagle), saying to him, “I need you to help me, so I can stay with my sister haven’t seen her for so long we have lot to talk about, Aquila go with a he new group tour down to ” Salto Él Sapo” waterfall, and will see you tomorrow when you are back, be very careful with the tourist safety,…

Then he called Jose after poor Arturo missed all his flights and connections,  Jose signal for another boat, and take Arturo to the hotel on mainland, and then. Jose go and  get the people that arriving on this afternoon flight and ask someone to bring me another boat.

When we were left alone as all were gone, Anatoly said  to me ( I noticed something wrong in his voice  I did not ask or volunteer to say anything,) you known Luda (that is the way he called me) — Yes Toola?  “Galina  is visiting Vera in Macuto that is where she lives and works, (20 min. from Caracas)  you know that Vera is the manager for Public Relations for “Melia Hotel” he very knew first one on Venezuelan,  yes, but I just hope she don’t mind my cat ( all this time sense the jail on Maracaibo,my kitty travel with me,  in my bag, .and it would be a good Idea if you  go see them and spend some time with you niece Vera and sister in the  beach.

Will that was not my plan, but I had to obey t was not a suggestion, I can tell by his voice  that it was a order.

So a few hours later I was on my way to Caracas, will Maiquetia airport,  few minutes from Macuto , I went straight to the Melia and had an  wonderful time and a drink with a meal with the company  of my niece Vera and she tour me around this elegant fabulous hotel in the beaches of Macuto.

 

Guess who else? flew on the same plane besides my cat? poor Arturo, furious, but , nevertheless we could not help ourselves but laugh and laugh we did, with  a glasses of  ice cold champagne, in those days  in the flights in all the Venezuelan airlines, there was always plenty of champagne and of the best!  Salud!  prost! Na zdorovje !

 One of the Huts of the Island Anatoly his son Luis.

One of the Huts of the Island Anatoly his son Luis.

Being single at that particular time of my busy life, I felt free to flirt and have affairs, with so whom I choice better yet whom I hand infatuation  it that moment, or like what the sad our how the look it mi etc, mied you! in those days, this behavior was not seen very nice of a lady, especially with a indian or a younger man, then  he  public did not have nice names like gugars,  not that nice, but they call nasty names  like luce women or even worst.

Boat full of those guest arriving.

Boat full of those guest arriving.

After having few cocktails and  drinks with same local food, in this dining room that was so exotic and romantic, music was  playing people where  dancing and others just drinking, some sitting playing chess  and another talking of this man Rudy and others of Anatoly the gold and diamond  man,  of the local white men that men who was so lucky to get  them and of course that was my brother.

The ones that did not know who I was, when heart  of mi,  then inevitably  somebody we’ll whisper and let them know and then when they knew then  they came to my site and offer me drinks and wanting to know more about this world, which really I did not known,  I just play a role, the sister of this famous big white diamond gold men the jungle men the crazy loved Russian.

Brother in the deep savanna were are diamonds whit his Jeep.

Brother in the deep savanna were are diamonds whit his Jeep.

The stars came about and the shining  brilliant moon with the whispering breeze and the roaring of this water falls which all of this made it a magic place and night, he air was full of romantic perfumed smell Orchids and such.

The indian which name I don’t remember now?  came too take me back to the island , I did not resist,  I knew their is no one in the island, but an hammock and candles or a gas linter light.

 

The smell of this jungle come emanating from him as we were going on the boat tours the island and setting behind him could no eboit smelling him, the sky way full of starts and my hand caressing the water as  the boat gently move thru the dark water , the brightness of the moon  show his dark chocolate shining back from the waist up muscular and strong, that  made me shiver,

As we lande in the island, he jump out too pull the boat  in may favorite site of the island of course, then  he secure the boat , then held his arms too help me so I don’t get wet my pretty sandals and pants,  but instead my hands he simply took me in his arms like a feather and gently stood me up in the shore past the white foam, I had my sandals in my hands so when he put me done in the  warm pink sand, it felt like a very nice massage, that warm pink sand  between my toes and  warm me more than I was already, the brilliant moon was shining on the  dark water reflecting her light and  also in our faces  shining too on our bodies,  behind us the roaring of the waterfalls, the smell of the orquideas and wild tropical jungle flowers where imbricating , plus after all the drinks I hand I was floating.   Standing their nest too him and  looking at this beauty as he was still holding my hand,  then slowly turning to him staring in to each other eyes, there’s  where no words necessary and  no words were sad, for passion is silent, turning around we start waking  too may hut and my momentary home,  we walk holding our breath ,  my heart was burning with a new unknown  flame .

I don’t remember how long it took us to get  from the shure too may hut,  in my mind was not an worry that  possible some one can see us  from the mainland,  sathently their it was the hut and that big hamacas just swinging in the breeze just like waiting for us, the breeze opened it like a fan and we feel in it weebs , now I was feeling  his strong arms around me and  that bewitching smell of his falling singing deep in the hamaca and completely  entwine in each other bodies,  in the  world of  magic jungle land.

He spoke Spanish with that strange accent but as he kiss me  he sexely   wiesper on may ears that Amazon indian dialect , and to this day I don’t known what he said? I only could feel at, then with the  thousands kisses  the night went so fast passing true without apologising .

It was early morning may be 5am the sun was just awaking the earth  and the sound of the jungle stop and only the  roaring of the waterfall you could heard at lowder,  and then  he was gone, did I dream all this?

 

I did not go any where that day just seat by the river and  sun bait and drink, same more of the hidden bottles I found in the other hut made of aluminum, for safeguarding valuables from the rein, as the night begin I felt that presence, is him , that smell embracing  the air I breathe, this new experience, savege , wonderful passionate I did not known before.

Just his tough electrified me.

Too tell your the truth I  probably would never have  down any of this,  if I was not totally inebriated.

Will, I ever known???

Following morning I walk and heard my brother calling me,  Luda ,  I look around,  is my brother, with fear I look around for him , he was gone, gone.

My brother would kill him, he could in those days and in a place call Canaima of course it would be very bead for all. ,

Luda get some eggs,  start the fire, there is wood behind the another hut, and here is some bacon row, don’t  you ever had a wild  boar bacon?.

We having some friends over.

Their 2 women and 3 men and lots of bottles of beer and other supplies and more vodka of course.

Morning came, and Anatoly was already gone off to Angel Falls before the sun was up!

Well, time to go to the other side of this glorious island for a walk and maybe a swim, at the spot where I was not afraid of the rapid current, where  there was an outdoor shower. Remembering happy times when we were here with Gala and mamasita, she was singing and throwing soap bubbles over this small wall they made into a shower with  the shower head which was just a hose tied to the branch of a tree. This fancy shower made of a few pieces of wood and a plastic curtain from the knees to the upper chest  and she was sticking her hand out waving and making fun of at it some time singing and throwing soap bubbles; she was playing gesturing with her hands above her, and then washing her hair under the water so pure and silky from the laguna (or should I say all the away from Angel Falls!)  Gala was saying to us,  “See I have a  gigantic open window  to the nature!”  Oh it was fun ! Then she went over to the john and got bitten by a big mosquito in the very inside of her ass! I called those island mosquitoes “flying crocodiles.”

Canaima

Canaima

The morning was clear and puffy white clouds were up in the sky above.There were two ways to go to the shore of this island, the one to where it was safer where the waterfalls dropped, forming a white bubble bath with the just right temperature;  and the other way, where the waterfall was falling out of the laguna in rapids, strong waters taking with them all they encountered. This current  I did not trust, so I never took that side; that part of the island I did not like at all, the water was very rapid and dangerous, especially to dock when you came in with a boat– one slip and you’re a goner, into one waterfall and then another and so on: say goodbye to your soul, adios! But the Indians always came that away, whenever they were coming to talk to Anatoly and to bring something  or to communicate  about work,  so I chose the other  way for bathing or coming and going to the mainland.

As I was  walking and admiring the sounds, the wildflowers , and exotic orchids, the smells along this  narrow walk, in comparison to the other it way like being on a film of  Bob Hope and Dorothy Lamour in a Hollywood setting, and much safer. The last time when we were all there mama and Gala loved this narrow little caminito that was made just by people walking over the path so many times.

Canaima

Canaima

I was so happy to be free!  skipping the potholes and rocks and sticks from bushes in the side of the caminito, after a few minutes maybe 10, I am on this glorious pink sand and looking at almost black  water, pure  full of chlorophyll that made it look tea colored and the foam so white on the shore with the water breaking gently against this pink sand around.

After a while, I went in the outdoor kitchen too see if I could get something to drink. There was a bottle of vodka, half full! Yes, my life was revolving too much around the drinks,  but I did not think about it, not at all,  after all, everybody drinks, right?

 

After a few glasses of vodka and for my  lunch, I’ll just flag a boat to take me to the  mainland too that big dining room full of tourist. The indians on mainland were always watching on to the Island, keeping an eye in  it, after all Anatoly is their family and so am I , he has a son with  one of their woman, so I feel good belonging to this giant tribe of Indians . the One that came to pick me up to take me in the  boat too go too mainland, was tool and very good looking exsoticly handsome.

After flying over more green jungle and many smaller waterfalls and rivers, we were finally seeing what looked like a dirt runway,  a two lane blacktop and not very long…I started praying: this looks very small and short even for this small plane– a 747 wouldn‘t have a chance! Our Father ………….. and then we are landing, not smoothly, jumping, weaving, and we barely had enough runway to stop just as we reached  the  very  end of the runway. Scared?  hahaha you bet I was!

 

The captain turned the plane  around to the spot where it was supposed to be park.   As I looked out the window I could see a little palapa and a bench for four persons to sit on, that was the airport. There was  a small dirt road out the other direction to  the other side of the landing strip , as I looked more  I could see a jeep and in it driving  was my brother Anatoly awaiting for me, bravo I am home,  family, yesssss.

 

In the jeep he had a bottle of vodka that he offered me like it was an bottle of water. Okay,  just a slug from the bottle to calm my nerves from that incredible landing, and especially for the scare that  I got seeing the drunk man directing the airplane to park,  he was weaving like a bamboo tree! The  wind from the engines of the airplane motor was not helping him to stand straight, so this drunk man was moving like a leaf in the wind., I think he was drinking aguardiente ( bad stuff) all  day probably.

The jeep that pick me up" ( that is the landing strip.)

The jeep that pick me up” ( that is the landing strip.)

From there we went off down a narrower road covered with jungle  right and left for about 15 minutes or more, and  then we were in front of this majestic  lagoon with  tea colored waters and sand as pink as a woman’s face powder.

 

The water in this lagoon where coming all the way from the Angel Falls,  and continuing going past the  camp, around on three sides of Anatoly Island.  and continuing its course on to the Ocean far away,   I couldn’t take my eyes of this part of God’s  creation, a miracle which today is considered one of the seven wonders of the world.

I had been in Canaima once before , little had changed, just a few more huts, but this time it really hit me the majesty and beauty of this place .

 

The  airport and the small buildings with palm roofs and the palapa huts made  the whole of the village of Canaima in the main land  where we were now.  Approaching this place I commented at how little it had grown. Si, my brother answered as he was having a another slug from the bottle of vodka– and I did too!. He pointed  out that there was a glass somewhere in the jeep. I said  no, we’re almost there, gracias!. We came to the main house with the reception , living room dining room and behind was the kitchen  on the open air, no walls, like this whole place was organic in a primitive rustic away, with the smell of carbon (charcoal) from the local trees, what a delicious  aroma and the  fresh breeze always keep the place pleasant and the air freshy.

Luis Pochepzov, my nephew " (Anatoly son)

Luis Pochepzov, my nephew ” (Anatoly son)

From  this room you could see everything: Anatoly island and the rest of the compound looking at the cascades of water all around the island, with that color of tea and the pink sand  and the tears of water falling from the rocks covered with exotic flowers and some orquideas, looking like long diamonds behind the veil of mist , and  falling into this tea colored waters and making  bubbles  around the lagune to frame this  pink sand–  ah, what a magic place!
Back in those years it was not officially named Anatoly island as it is now, but everyone was calling it Anatoly island because everywhere thru the jungle he was  known as the golden boy not only for his hair and those green big eyes, but for the gold and diamond  diggings. He was like the tarzan of Canaima, now living alone on his paradise  not wanting even the indians to serve him or be with him anymore, on the Island by himself. Only by his private invitation could you get there during those many many years when he was a king., making love too all the pretty women that visited Canaima and then he became a bush tour guide when he wanted,. But there was one special indigenous lady deep  in another  part of the jungle with whom he conceived his only legal son Luis.

He drove the jeep up to the reception and park in front of the door.Then as we  walked in, Anatoly was  introducing me to everybody,  some of them I knew from before. Then we sat down in the veranda area  with our backs  to the island, and facing to the dining room  and the whole enormous compound. So we can see everything,  the island, the laguna and the entrance, while seated  at this long table seating approximately 20 persons or more. I believe it was full, between drinks  and food and singing, when  a very handsome pair of primitive local indians came in, walking to our side of  the table and talking in a whisper  to my brother then leaving. Anatoly said “I have a job tomorrow so I will take off.”

 

The two Indians had to sit  at a small table  far for all the tourists and white people that worked there,  who were French and  German the majority. The Macaws were sitting on the branches of the trees that surrounded the  hut  and were free to walk around the dining room floor to visit  the people that they already  knew, or just fly in  and sit wherever they found a place  and some of us even fed them from our hands. What a natural way of life!.

 

For accommodations  they had some very primitives baucoulos (hammocks) and that was all . There was not to much to do except drinking, eating , making love and sleeping,  and some time working. Well, yesss there was  gambling in the evenings!, some of the tourists, admiring  all this magnificent beauty were reading a book! there was no TV, not even a regular old fashioned telephone.

 

The roaring waters seemed much louder in the evening  and stronger through the night– roaring waterfalls and the smell of the perfume of the orquideas and the brilliant cascades of waters, shining like  diamonds through the silver moon and  falling into the waters of the laguna. that night, the intellectuals and lovers of books\ we’re  reading or just meditating, looking out at this wondrous place, same holding hands and a few maybe kissing passionately on their honeymoon.

So after we finish eating and drinking my brother explained to me, let’s go to the island and you can stay there until I come back from Angel Falls,  which will  take couple of days– now I have to get ready for the tour because there are four tourists  and we are leaving early in the morning, your stay here and I we’ll take you there in another trip, where there’ll be some women , because this trip is all men and we have not separate tents now, they’re being repaired.

 

Most of the tourists were Europeans, adventurers and criminals and wanderers. The whole Avensa  campamento, the entire compound, village, boats and airplanes belonged to my friends’ family the Boultons, Lord Henry and  Howard and other members of the family.

 

This jungle was abundant with wildlife, especially the parrots (papagallos in Spanish  and macaws in English), and many hundreds of other species of birds , monkeys, and snakes, not to mention the beautiful wild orchids!

Anatoly standing in his  island

Anatoly standing in his island

All went well at the airport.  I was relaxing in my seat, when a smiling stewardess came and offered me a drink, asking, “You are the sister of Anatoly ?” I said yes. “Welcome , the captain invites you to the cabin so you can see Angel Falls from above! ”  “Gracias, I will  be there, thank you again”
 
 I did not realize it before, but now I understood that all the ladies s that flew to Canaima knew my brother including some of the tourists, and most of them had had relations with him, because  he had a reputation of a good lover!
 

To describe this stormy flight is impossible! Would you believe rain came inside the cabin! I stuck a piece of paper in the hole where the drips of water where coming out,  so the dripping was not hard, but it did drip, and that is when I decided to go up to the cabin to be safer next to the pilot. I least I will see when and if the lightning will strike us?  But thank God it stopped raining and a beautiful rainbows appeared in the sky. My God how immense were the green mansions area! (the area is the south of   Venezuela  and North of Brazil), I remember reading a book call “Green Mansions” and now this is the place, where no man set yet a foot inside those canyons, they are so big and deep .

 

Ludmila siting in Anatoly island in a place call el Sapo (frog)

Ludmila siting in Anatoly island in a place call el Sapo (frog)

 Falling down from this mountains  where the  water falls, it is something like the great canon but way much more dramatic and deep and dark,a  different smell, and vegetation. From above you see this dense jungle. We flew over Salto él Angel, now I will tell your a real story about it! Angel Fall is officially the 8th wonder of this world, legally and it is several times taller than the Empire State Building just to give you an idea. It is so tall that when I was looking at it, while the pilot flew the airplane around it, you could only see this magic misst forming a transparent wall, the falls were almost not visible when touching the river down below; you could not see the bottom at all!.
That is how high this mountains are
 
The story goes that Mr. Jimmy Angel flew over this mountains to investigate and map this unknown incredible world of rivers cascading over these gigantic glorious mountains and canyons. the jungle was full of exotic orchids and animals and different race of indians unknown to the rest of the world. After flying several hours he ran out of gas and crashed on top of a mountain peak where this gigantic waterfall appeared., In the  rainy season the waterfall was enormous, and the water in the rivers were very rapid, so it took him several weeks to walk back to some sort of civilization. Finally he came to a flat valley surrounded by smaller waterfalls call Canaima.
His name is forever known as Capitan Jimmy Angel, “él Salto del Angel” or “ Angel Falls ” as it  is known all over this world.

 

Ludmila siting in Anatoly island in a place call el Sapo (frog)

Anatoly leaving the airplain

So when we flew past Angel Falls that day, the sound of the waterfall was out of this world! It was a magical roaring, so loud but at the same time it invaded your senses with amazing  pleasure at this magnificent beauty, only surfacing in the rainy season. Angel Falls is majestically spectacular and so loud that we can hear it miles away in the sky in our tiny plane

My brother Anatoly was the only other white man in this jungle called Green Mansions, south of Canaima. Later another white man came, Rudy the German with his wife and 2 girls. Rudy became very rich with the tourism to the falls, while my brother was exploring for diamonds mines on the frontier down closer to Brazil .

 

"Caracas in  a Modeling job and T.V. interview by Renne Otolina Show"

“Caracas in a Modeling job and T.V. interview by Renne Otolina Show”

On the airplane, I ordered a glass of wine and the stewardess (back in the 60s we called them stewardesses; they were beautiful and sexy looking oh and so young!) and she brought me a full half bottle, a liter of a good Merlot.The flight  went fast; it was a short flight  as I recall, three hours more or less, and I was still not believing that I was out of Maracaibo after four months of hell. Well, that was enough of Maracaibo, for ever!~

"Red Carpet in Hollywood whit Jack Millman,(my x Husband)"

“Red Carpet in Hollywood whit Jack Millman,(my x Husband)”

My thoughts: How could Tad abandon me after that love,that he professed? how cowardly, he left not even a note of good by or a letter, nada! Well, he is too young, that was my  excuse for him in my mind, so I could feel better and keep on living.

But I was  carrying that  resentment of abandonment, with deep pain , and down deep in my subconscious, remembering that my father abandoned us after he went through so much to escape from Russia to Venezuela! and then to leave us and go back to Russia, this did not help me …. Ya basta no more pain, let’s have some  fun.

Just keep on  going Ludmila, my heart kept saying,  this is an exciting life you are living today, and tomorrow, tomorrow is another day, which we’ll begin for the rest of you life, so smile , and smile I did.

Now in Maiquetia I  wanted to continued straight to Canaima, but in those days they had only one flight a day and that not every day. But my luck was that tomorrow they had another flight to Canaima, in that little plane, the one I missed today, so I better find a hotel for tonight.

Walking downtown, I found a hotel where so many times we had stayed,William and I, sniffing cocaine (and we had to sniff it fast because of the humidity in Macuto, which is next to Maiquetia Airport, the town where all the hotels and restaurants were). All year round all the big bananas would come there with their lovers or families too have fun in the sun!  Too  many memories of making love all morning, staying there until it was dinner time and back to Caracas, of course after William would go to the Port de Aduana (Costumes) on the large pier, to check in his cargo of merchandise of liquor that had arrived from the U.K.

"London" 1957.

“London” 1957.

I did not want to stay there this time.Not too far away, a couple of  blocks farther, and there it was, this lovely family hotel in front of the water, the one where I stayed with Galina a long time ago in the 1950s.when we visited Anatoly Island together. I registered for my room on the 3rd floor overlooking the Caribbean; the street below was full of palm trees swinging in the tropical breeze, and across was a cliff where the gigantic waves were breaking strong, and with the moonlight playing beautiful lights on the water and group of musicians playing song and dance music in the street,  and  right there in that big cliff was a restaurant that look like it was hanging off the side , with the waves breaking under it. I sat on the corner where I had more of the view in each direction and ordered a Martini double, dry with just a splash of vermouth. The Venezuelan cuatros guitars were in a small group of 3 men and maracas y tambor; they were singing old Venezuelan songs joropos and one of them that was a known world wide “Alma Llanera”

The group of musicians kept on playing, so I had music, moonlight, good fish (grilled with garlic],  but I was alone just alone. many men asked me to dance , but I said no gracias no to all of them,  I was not in the mood! So I walked back to the hotel, tired but happy and content, taking a long shower and same Cacique Ron  then  going to sleep early, because tomorrow I had to be  back at the airport to fly to Canaima very early.

Sometimes I had time to sit in the hammock on the  balcony, contemplating the beautiful view of Maracaibo, looking far way and thinking: what have I done so far in my life? Yes, many fun things: whisky, cocaine, orgies, romances and same serious work as a model traveling everywhere, but as an actress I did not have what it takes. I was a very good model. I did well and even taught younger models at several modeling schools, one of them Jocelyn Ryan. But partying was always my first choice. I was selfish, vain, arrogant. I was very elegant, young and with an interesting beauty, even though I did not think so. Every man and woman said so, and I was still living in my fantasies, high on that swing, higher and higher I went but no higher in my career or the stardom I had dreamed about long ago!  I had fun, that was all: me me me, parties and more parties!

Even after my three abortions with William, I did not know what sins I was committing. I realize today that not only was I a sinner but a criminal also. The worst part is that I would regret this later, even for the rest of my life and miss the children I might have had. But back then I only wanted to do as I pleased.As the saying goes in Russian, “Every pig  has his day.”  Well, soon enough my day of reckoning arrived, but in the meantime I was  drinking, partying promiscuously in total  libertinage, although I could not hide my pain from myself, or take it away or make it disappear. God, what have I done with my life?

The White Storm

The White Storm

So the time came that I really wanted to have children. When I was in jail I had a chance to meet a very good specialist in fertility, so I consulted him, told him I am trying to get pregnant to no avail. I want children to love and take care of and protect. I tried with Jack and then Jose and now with Tad, but nada nada….So taking advantage of the jail I consulted this famous doctor, I went through all kinds of exams and tests,  they put a microscope inside of me with a long tube with a camera at the end. They inserted it in my uterus and made other tests, very unpleasant and painful too! As a rule they did not gave prisoners anesthetic or pain killers, so cruel!  But I had to see why I was not getting pregnant; eventually this  specialist in Maracaibo came to the conclusion that my tubes were closed, calcified, obstructed by a growth in them as a result of bad abortions. The sperm could not  pass inside, and that meant that I would never have children, never would I hear  the word “mama”  At home I still had the magazines and books I bought when I first learned I was pregnant. I remember I was so happy about it! How did William ever persuade me to do this horrible thing? All the cocaine and alcohol I guess! I was so happy reading about my pregnancy,  preparing, until my beloved convinced me to wait until Patrick was born, jajaja!

This advertising  was even in Maracaibo, on a billboards in the streets

This advertising was even in Maracaibo, on a billboards in the streets

As it is my life today : I think that is O.K..not to have children because I was not capable at 16 and half to raise any children properly with no education or career and money or husband to help me!  I was just a lost soul, as fragile as the wind going in all directions at once.

Still today, once in awhile I get very sad and tears roll down my cheeks, thinking what would they look like and how would they be?, then I say the prayer, God gave me the serenity to accept the things…”. in that time I did not know any better prayer except the Our Father.”

The life in Maracaibo was uninteresting to me, I just wanted out. So off I went to the airport and after updating my ticket with no problem I got on the plane to Maiquetia, the Caracas airport. My cat was in my bag quietly sleeping and the flight was no longer than it took me too have a couple of martinis with Beefeaters. That gin in of course, one of William’s  exclusive concessions for his liquor business. I was still thinking about William, so how sick was I? What power that man had over my life! Even now if he whistled, I would  run to him.During that flight I remembered a story when he flying to Maracaibo, the plane was hijacked and ransom was paid!  It was all over the news papers.  

Dye my hair black so I woud blend whit the local woman

Dye my hair black so I woud blend whit the local woman

Landing in few minutes,: there was the  coast of the Caribbean, we are landing in Maiquetia!

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