I would keep going with a new man and expecting that magic outburst of lightning, stars and ecstasy. Today, maybe I have the answer to my search: I needed it, that touch, that contact, that feeling of love, that acknowledgement of my being, that love is what I have been chasing all my life……love to me become a drug, to soothe the pain of the lack of love.
Spain had worked for me. Everywhere I went they needed a great model and I worked everywhere, even on television, I even received an award for best high fashion model of Spain. But now I went back home to Venezuela, my devoted friend Africa taking me to the aeropuerto. Adios Espana.. I know I will see you again, the world is turning around all the time..!
Arriving home, though, nothing had changed with my two lovers. The in going affair with Oscar almost gave me what I thought was seeking: a love, a caress, my- be children, a big house, playing canasta with his mom and friends of the country club, it was not exactly my idea of life. Besides his mother already had on mind a young sociality on mind for Oscar, I don’t think I would make a good daughter in law, I could never settle down to that sort of life, while I was still so very young.She would be spying me and followed me with chaperones, that is the way it is done, in those society families, no , no don’t fence me in.
And William was my Henry Higgins–“ My Fair Lady”– teaching me about life and offering real excitement and adventure. I could not decide what I wanted most. Of course I did not like William ’s wife chasing us around with a gun, but party’s trips, elegant cloves, Operas, show, cabarets, key clubs that was La Dolce Vita, I love it.
Consequently I aborted the child I was carrying, because honestly I did not know whose it was–William ‘s or Oscar’s? I left Oscar’s beautiful penthouse and William took me two his Dr. abortionist again. Then I went home to mama.
Modeling Work took me back to my old home area, around Maracay, but this time to the most incredible place in Maracay, 5 stars Hotel one of the first ones in Venezuelan it was like a country club, with stables, pools, tennis courts everything , ( remembering how poor I had been, existing on a dream as a child just few kilometers from their the ranch of Bees, mangos and the tomatos that the cows eat, getting dressed on my luxurious room I look out the window on that direction and tears fall down my cheeks I did even try to stop than).
Life was different for this family, I did not have any loving father or a normal home, let me put it this way- my parents did not have any time or energy to hold me in their arms or embrace me and made me feel that satisfaction of real love, like any baby animal hanging on its mother, or like a baby kangaroo in its mother’s pouch. I did not have any of that contact- physical, carnal, skin to skin touch, like when they put the baby on top of the stomach after birth so he feels that love and warm closeness to that place from where he came out!