The Ludmila Confessions

Basic black dress for modeling

Go to Hollywood! I took a Greyhound bus across the country to Hollywood all alone. Now life was taking on a different color. While passing through the states, seeing the open countryside, I could not keep my eyes away. I loved to see this vast country, all the people, state after state, across the continent. We would only stop to eat, get gas, and visit rest areas for a few minutes. I was just flabbergasted by all this scenic grandeur, and I savored every second of it. I did not think of the past or carry any vices with me to enslave me at the time. I just thought to myself what a strange incredible place! My God, how big is Texas? I don’t understand a word they are saying but I know what they mean. We are going through a state famous for their potatoes– are we in Ohio or Idaho? Virginia ham, well it is not like my fathers ham, but it sure is delicious!

It took three days and two nights; early on the third morning we saw road signs to Los Angeles many miles ahead. I kept thinking, “I want to go to Hollywood, not Los Angeles.” My head was spinning, pounding from emotion, and my nerves excited and on high alert. I was wondering, “where will I sleep tonight?” At that moment I heard the speaker of the bus announce “we will arrive soon.” But, “where are the movie star?” I thought to myself. A not so beautiful city was appearing in front of my big window. I saw highways and freeways, and automobile traffic everywhere. Then we arrived at the poorest part of downtown L.A. and a sad looking bus station appeared in front of us; the bus driver reminded us not to forget our luggage and all our belongings on the bus. Everybody was busy getting ready to meet someone, except me.

I was alone with my God, so I made the sign of the cross over myself and proceeded to get out and confront my future. How I managed to find someone who spoke Spanish God only knows, but there he was, an older Mexican gentleman. There were not so many Latinos in downtown LA in 1960. He was going to a hotel not far from the station, he said he “knew a very old family hotel, that is clean and comfortable. More importantly, it’s economical, and above all very safe for a lady alone,” he added. So I got in a taxi and went there. It was by the overpass of a freeway exit, but to me it was better than downtown.

I walked in to the reception desk that was in a living room with musty old furniture. I saw a big T.V. in the far corner, where old people were sitting watching, and smoking away. The room felt heavy, old and gray, but it was okay with me. As I entered they all turned to look at me. It was not that I had people staring at me whenever I entered a room, or cars bumping into each other when I walked across a street back in Venezuela. But somehow this was different, these people were Americans, most of them men, but there were some women too. I felt flattered, not scared, and besides I was tired. I almost didn’t sleep on the bus because I wanted to see it all, even at night, every light in every city captivated my interest.

“Here is your key,” said the man behind the counter. So with key in hand, I walked to my room and opened the door. It was a big room with an old carpet. We had had no carpets back at home because it was too expensive and only rich people had carpets. There was a big rocking chair on one side of the room, a double bed, and a window that opened out to nowhere.

I did not like it much, especially after living like a free bird in the open spaces, and only later did I realize it was due to my feeling of claustrophobia. But there was this big bathtub on four legs in a big bathroom, just like in the cowboy movies. O yes! So I put hot water in the tub, enjoyed a bath, unrolled the bed blankets, unpacked my clothes in the closet, and then I just lay on that old bed and closed my eyes. Even with all the lights on, I fell into a deep sleep. I felt so carefree– how could that be? I was far from home, away from everybody and everything I knew, but somehow I felt that my grandmother’s, and my mama’s blessings and prayers were still with me. The guardian angels allowing me to rest peacefully.