My tremendous appetite for life took me to places– wild adventures, romances, fantasies–that normal people only see in movies. I walked with a cane, smoked a pipe, rode a motorcycle. Later Bianca Jagger started doing this; of course she was very famous with a husband like Mick Jagger. But I was modeling, on my time I refuse to wear corsets and also a bra on same dresses because it was very uncomfortable, in that time they did not have perfected the C cup, (which was perfected on my body, before it went two the world market, they pay me well, and the picture came about later very discreet in that time we where not sexy, just mannequins, a example of a lady a MODEL).
The Roughs, Mission Impossible, but nothing big enough to put my face in every household so to speak ( in Spanish they say on every plate).
There were movies about the holocaust then, like Anne Frank’s Diary, that made me remember why William went to Auschwitz? and send me straight to Frankfurt from Munich. It is so difficult to get rid of him and our memories together. It seems sometimes that they will stay with me forever, because, even now I can’t stop thinking about the abortions and what might have been. So instead I went to the next party. Lets drink, meet new lovers and have a gay old time! Your would wonder how can she have so many men on her life, but what I was wondered, what was happening to me, to my mind and soul, at that time.? I did not know better, it became this is it, and like it.
Then I met Ben Bennetia: What a wonderful, happy go lucky men, handsome , slim, tall with dark olive skin and big eyelashes that covered his great green eyes. He reminded me of that priest’s eyes! “Aquellos Ojos verdes “ de mirada serena….. the 2 of us head a happy great time, living it up, smoking pot and drinking white wine in my room at the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood, where I lived at that time. Once we awoke with the mattress on fire- yes, I did that! The worst part was I didn’t even like pot, but I would do anything to please the man I was with, I just wanted to be loved, which is not a crime- the crime was what I was doing to my soul.
Ben did not want to marry me, although he really loved me, because I was a white-skinned Russian Orthodox and he was dark Sephardic Jew, and he did not think this was good for any children to come. We talked and talked about it ,but he decided to take off hitchhiking all the way to Argentina from Los Angeles with a friend, and was gone for couple of years. So he had to forget about me and our plans– it would be a long time before I would see him again.
A long time passed and life took me to many places, places that I am not proud to describe. I was already married to Jack when one day I met Benn again at a big party, I still could see that love in his eyes’ he did not forget me, he still carried me in his heart, but I was a wife of another man now and he respected that. So we parted ways with a handshake, to never see each other again. Of course, I would love to hear from him again one day, some place, but we never know what the future holds? Life has many surprises for me every day…
After working and playing and drinking more and more, I began using benzedrine to keep weight off. I was drinking and eating so I needed speed, just to lose weight, right? Well, eventually Jack and I became more than lovers. One day he and I decided to get married, and marry we did, on the day the first men walked on the moon! It was not planned that way, but my church had scheduled it for that day, so we married three times: once by civil law, once by my church and once by the church of Scientology (Jack was into it because he had a good friend that was also in it, Stanley Stromfeld). The parties were everywhere, people were celebrating the first man on the moon said “A small step for a man, but a giant step for mankind” The radio and TV were playing Frank Sinatra’s big hit “Fly me to the Moon“ It was just party party party all the time in 1969. Work was now taking second place in my life.
Jack bought a great mansion in the Northridge near Busch Haezer beer Gardens, with three bedrooms, a huge kitchen, formal dining room and living room with a big stone fireplace. It even had an office library room all wood with a fireplace (smaller than the other), and a window out to the service hall for drinks and snacks. The patio went into an outdoor open fireplace next to a big swimming pool; we even had a trampoline! All this was very private because it enclosed with a bamboo wall fence from the back neighbors. On one side of the house was a two car garage and green grass lawn, and on the other side was a big orange grove, with a gate for the truck to get in . We were so very happy there; this was really a beautiful big private place. It was exciting for me, because I never had a home like this mansion, of my own : a dream come true! Now I was a lady with a mansion, a long black Cadillac convertible in my garage! All this was mine, but I did not let the fumes go to my head! I was the same Ludmila, all parties, all smiles. I worked on my farm with rabbits, goats, a little bull and Emily, my prize New Hampshire pig. She was so intelligent!
It was a great life, especially when my mamochka Palina my sister and my dear niece came and we had a family party.
But slowly and surely in time, my modeling career was being replaced for more and more drugs and alcohol.
The parties for every holiday seemed to have no end! I just loved giving parties, enjoying life “to the max,” parties for Halloween, even Easter egg hunts for the children in the neighborhood.
The class of people on my list were movie stars, hippies, bohemians, screenwriters, and businessmen. But I kept my family separate from all but a few special guests. Of course I did not want to mix my family with the druggies and orgy people, so I went from one extreme to another.
I simply loved life, some Easter hunts I had mama with me giving presents and colored eggs to the kids, all the unhappy memories seemed to vanish at that time.
I guess it was the physical remoteness of my Father that made me hungry for a human touch, and that gave way to my tremendous appetite for life. This may be? Was what led me to my adventures an unimaginable style life and energy that normal people don’t have.