The Ludmila Confessions

On the beach in Acapulco. Buck, Ludmila, and Ron Lavender’s Children

While we were still in Acapulco and Puerto Vallarta, I was having loads of fun with Buck. Finally Ruth had gone back to L.A. Of course she told her son about my promiscuous behavior. Jack kept calling and asking, “When are your coming back home?” But there was always another party to go to. I decided one last night out at the big disco in Acapulco. I loved the balloons at midnight, the confetti and serpentinas (streamers); it was fun dancing with Buck. I got carried away on the dance floor, then something terrible happened: I fell down to the floor drunk and shaking.
I got up, smiled and continued dancing. Then again, I fell down, and I remember saying to myself “What is this? Am I really so drunk ? How embarrassing!” And once again I fell down, so I said to Buck, “Let’s sit down at our table.” Finally I told Buck “Let’s go home.” But everybody came along with us, thinking that as usual I was just taking the party someplace else. I don’t remember how or when we arrived back at Buck’s, and I don’t remember who stayed behind and who came to Buck’s house, but apparently it included some other young ladies.

I was awakened by hands groping me and this young beautiful girl kissing me all over! l got up, took another drink and the sex party proceeded, until I passed out and woke up for cocktail time that evening. I went down these long beautiful stairs that went around above the living room to reach the bar, where Buck, Rudy, Anna, Ron and everybody else was standing. Arturo arrived with his wife Mary Arden and Buck’s sister. After the cocktails we went to dinner and someone said, “Diane is arriving day after tomorrow,” so I said to Buck, “Book me on a flight tomorrow to L.A. please!”

Going up the stairs to pack, I saw he had hung pictures and even a large portrait of me on the wall. In fact, there were many pictures of us everywhere in the home. I could not take them with me because there were too many things to pack, so I left them behind. I was too hungover to worry about packing more or think about anything. My head was pounding and I heard the sound of a voice: “It’s time to go home. I stayed too long at this party, it’s over.” It’s time for Jack to put me over his shoulder and take me home I thought. But he wasn’t there, or he would have done just that, so I had to do it myself! Jack was totally the opposite of this gentle Charles Rogers (Buck his nickname) from Boston, high society and descendant of the Boston tea party. One of his great grandfather’s was a pirate, and his ship had been confiscated by the first U.S. Navy to start the first naval fleet.

The next morning, as I was still posing for personal pictures at the airport, saying goodbye to all my friends and Buck, I was oblivious to the fact that Diane had changed her schedule and was already arriving in Acapulco. I headed out to the plane in the shirt that Buck gave me because I liked it so much. Just as I was almost ready to get on the plane, I saw her descending the ramp from her plane. It was just a miracle that we did not run right into each other that day, or the fur would have flown! That would not be a happy meeting! Somehow of course we missed each other, thank God, because I was too busy saying goodbye to Buck and to Acapulco.

Later he called me and told me that he was divorcing her and she was taking everything he had, including the Pierce Arrow– along with a Cadillac and some other cars, all of which poor Buck had gladly given her. Katy, one of his daughters, and I were good friends and she wrote me all the time. We had good memories of our friendship and she kept me informed of all these things. Our friendship continued for a long time, writing to each other. I learned that Diane burned all my things and all my pictures and he asked her for a final divorce. That was a big scandal. I never met the lady so I can only speak from what I heard and my own experience. I would see Buck a couple more times, but only as friends, not lovers.

Buck has a beautiful home with wide open spaces, a Mexican baroque style with a tile pool, palm trees, and separate quarter for the servants. They also did not like me because they were faithful to his wife Diane, who took him the cleaners leaving him with no balls! I guessed that was why all his friends loved me, because they said I restored him to manhood by “giving him back his balls.” Looking back, that was where I should have burned one bridge and chosen the other, but that’s the challenge. When we are in the moment, we don’t always know which bridge to burn and which to cross.

This was only a part of going down the torturous road of alcoholism. I should have quit then. But I didn’t. I was too obliterated and drunk to car. When I finally arrived home I received a bunch of photos of me in the mail, in the front row at Reni’s big funeral. Life was getting a little rougher on me, sending me a message that I did not understand at the time.