The Ludmila Confessions

Everyone left, but the  fireplace was still burning so I put on a couple more logs and smiled. How nice it is to be home, sitting with my drink, on that sofa that Grant designed and made of pure hardwood with enormous pillows, and just stare at  the fire,  listening  to the logs crackling that romantic sound and smelling the woodsmoke. If I had a lover at that moment it would be very  exciting, I felt good, but not good enough not to drink and no to want cocaine!  So many memories from this last trip that turned into a nightmare, which then became  a exciting adventure, I just sat there staring at the dancing flames, drink in hand and savoring the drink and flames, the memories of past lovers– not realizing how wonderfully good I had  it at that time..

Family before a new journey

 Time went by fast and I realized I was not alone– a few moments later I went to my bedroom which was across my jungle room where this person was renting, his room was close so I went into my bedroom to unpack the small suitcase full of the treasures of this last journey, in which I hand souvenirs from jail’s,.

As I was unpacking  I noticed Robert standing at my door, extending has hand and apologizing that we had not been introduced  properly, because my family was there and the burden of my arrival.  I agreed and said  si si so  you’re the one that is  supposed have been living here and taking care of my property,

Well well,  where is Jose?

I will tell you later the said, Would  you  like to go to dinner  tonight?  yes,!

So I closed my door and went to my closet, ( in which amazingly, all my dresses were still there!). I proceeded to put on a cockel gown and some real Hollywood  makeup,.

I was hoping that he would  have some cocaine, why I wanted it  I  don’t know,  I just wanted to get high, I guess– that was my reality at that moment.

We walked not too far  from my Hollywood Home, which was in the heart of the city, to a new very tall building and up to the Penthouse, into an elegant restaurant with a great view of all Hollywood. We sat by the window (I never sit at bars even when a man suggests it, (I am just   not a bar person), ordering a dry martini Beefeater. That was Walter’s brand in his liquor stores and I was saying to myself I should call him and tell him of my disappearance–, because I used to go to Sausalito to see him often in his new liquor store,  which was not very successful. Sometimes his son Michael  would come in to mind the liquor store and we would go to “No name bar” and talk and kiss and drink. But his store was not very successful–  he would assure me that we would marry as soon the business picks up. But then he would tell me some stories of his  ill health. I knew this was just to push me away. but we always came back to each others arms when he needed me.

Robert woke me up out of my daydream with  the  martini in hand,  saying “Salud! Welcome back to  L. A. and your home.”

We spent an acceptable evening and then he suggested we go to somebody’s home, their would be cocaine and dancing and music  and that would cheer me up, put me in a happier mood,

Well believe it or not the party way crazy, like all drug parties in Hollywood . I  met a guy, let’s call him Bill, who said if I gave him some money for a big cocaine purchase, not only would I get my part of it but double my 2000 dollars (in the 80s at was a lot of money). This sounded  just fine I had that money from before I left, in the bank,  plus now my renters money for my expenses,  so why not? Needless to tell you that was not so, and I  never saw the cocaina or the money since!

We even met afterward, in almost every party I went,  and it was so incredible his  cynical behavior, he did not even  look at me ignoring  me completely, pretending he had no  commitment to me, like nada happened!  Of course that was not my only f…. up, this first experience was follow by many more– many more. But I will tell you more in my next book.

I started selling all my precious dresses from all the collections from Spain and hear and IN.Y. of courtier high fashion,,,,, and my big  books library that I breck with mi sense Venezuela , which I mail hear  book by books.

But still waiting for my lover Tad or Jose too come running to me,  and the days went in  and out, weeks, and I just drank and drank same more and more– months went by and then a year,  since we departed from each other, ween Tad left  me to continue his journey, saying Jack and Joy couple times, and that was all besides drinking nothing was  important, nothing,

one or two letters arrived from Jose and none from Tad. But of course I knew Tad had gone  to Pamplona for the running of the bulls (which by now was long over) and then he would stay to learn Spanish in Madrid or Barcelona.

Then one day when I had may garage sale,  out of the blue the father of Tad Gail came to my garage sale and bought my whole Winston Churchill collection, very expensive big books almost new ( I never got to read them) and told me that Tad was coming home soon.

This is not the END is just the beginning.