The Ludmila Confessions

My life continued to be one big party , except I was spending more money than was coming in.  I started holding garage sales, one after another, selling  everything and anything. One afternoon, to my surprise, Tad’s father came by, just to buy same books.  What a small world! He was a bohemian man in his 50s, very rundown physically, small and older looking than I would picture him. In short, a hippie,  married to a  pretty hippie lady,  his new partner in life at least I assumed they were lovers, At that time of the flower children, few of those couples who  participated were married.

Karen Black big hollywood star, my niece and I.

I remember those incredible concerts in the open air, on the grass in parks or big fields. There was free love, pot, LSD  and every other drug available in that time, the whole world was upside down. I tried  some of those drugs too!

Now that I remember his parents, I understood Tad– his intellectual thirst for writing, the high class came from his elegant mother, who was very intellectual and will educated, though I hadn’t met her. I  only saw her in photos–  she looked like a classy lady. Today I regret never meeting her, of course I know that was not what  she wanted for her soon,  not only because of the age difference between uis (which was enormous), but my  life in show business which was then still an important part of my life…

Ludmila he said my name like making sure I was me of whom his son wrote about ?, and then after hellos in proper handshake introducing yourself,  we set and start taking, he proceed telling me, in a very mysterious voice,  this news, that made me shiver and made my heart accelerate, Tad is arriving soon by train, I think you would like to pick him up? he well call you to tell you the time, is it o.k?,,,,,Yes of course, Thanks, and proceeded selling him some books very reasonable and giving him one or 2 …..

My God it has been so long, since we seen each other,  since  I went street to Jail in Maracaibo, from airport, in intending to embark in the aircraft to  Maiquetia in Caracas, following our plans to proceed to Canaima to sée my brother Anatoly in the jungle of Angel Falls Canaima  and stay on his Island for few days before Tad would go to Pamplona to  run with  the bulls as he had planned, but all this was cut of by my imprisonment in Maracaibo,  the painful thing was that he left without even saying goodbye or a visit! nada,  which did not help my mood and feelings all those months in their, so now he appears,  It has been so long that I had almost  forgotten him, it was an affair to remember only, not too married, enjoy it , and then collect the experience and move on to the next affair, I loved but I don’t think I was in love really, I don’t known what would I do for real love? So I forgot the many men in my life,) of course the enormous difference in the age did no help, just like with Jose.

Grant Lasley my designer and decorator of my house Hollywood. and mi.

I was changing to another stage of my life,  growing more dependent on alcohol and not realising It. I lived a period of not having any dreams or goal just what I will do to entertain myself and have fun,  I was disillusioned and blaming the world , I was disillusioned in myself, not a good actress,  not a successful wife, not educated did not have any profession of any kind, the only thing I was good at was  being a high fashion Model and even that, now I was too old according to the new looks of Twigy the in model of those days, so I exchanged for a glass or better said bottles of buzz,  yes I was disillusion  on myself, it may  be  right to say, I lived at the bottom of emptiness,  looking for every minute of excitement to feel that empty space, many men around me wanted me, admired me, but, but they did not fill the emptiness or offer the love I was searching for..

It was exciting yes, to see Tad after so long; maybe it was more curiosity than excitement to sée him in my home, and wanting him to explain why he did not say goodbye, when I went to prison in Maracaibo, will he have the cojones to explain that now?, after all that love he professed so well in his letters to his grandfather, when we hitchhiked  through the world!  North , Central America and South  America; why did he leave without un adios? I needed to know why? what is it? woman’s  curiosity or that ego with an false pride.?

Now he shows up in my life like nothing happened. A couple years went by but so much has happened, life goes on and on,  my young love in the beach of Puerto Vallarta is going to be here and will I forgive all and forget the past… maybe?, when he embraced me and kissed me and took me in his arms? and told me how much he was sorry, but could do nada, then I will take him by the hand to my white bedroom and just lay my head in his shoulder, like that time in Cuernavaca.

What am I? an aristocrat, a Cossack, or just an ordinary peasant, I only know that my swing bought me hear, what’s now?

So I went to the station to pick up Tad, no  hello just silence, as I drove to my  little home we talked about nothingness, and we realized we had nothing now,  just memories of a beautiful affair in the beaches of Puerto Vallarta– and nothing more.  A young man’s experience with a mature lady and her infatuation with this young man, just a part of life experiences, so  this time we said goodbye, until who knows wen?

I wake up one morning with the phone ringing, my sister, well she is in paradise in Florida on Davis Island, Tampa, a very rich and beautiful area, asking me if I would like to live on the beach in front of the water of the gulf of Mexico.  This has been  my dream since we left the Island of Margarita, I love the water, the sound of the waves, the infiniteness of the horizon and the everlasting sky,  she is  offering for me to come and be  partners 50%/50% having our own Hotel Motel Cabanas, the actual name Casa Chica Cottages Indian Rocks, on the Gulf of Mexico! wohaeeee!  life on my own  beach, my dream come true, this is what  I needed, a chance now in my life, to do good and stop living like a gypsy, which I had lived like since I was a little  baby.

So now what to do?

I called mama and she said, it sounds good, you can sell your house and move there and be the owner of a motel on the beach, but you know it is going to be a lot of work?

That evening I met with Jack my X. and Joy, now was his wife, and her son Billy, We went to play backgammon in a private club, Billy flipped for me, and  I was  free, so o.k.!  I  like him, not love, but I will need some help!

So after no telling everybody goodbye, mama and I started packing, Billy agreed to meet us on FLorida there driving his car , and he  promised  to help, so we  will sée what else will happen,? maybe we’ll live together and have a couple of children? that would be nice I think.

I went next day too a real estate office, and in no time I sold my house, went and bought an new Renault van,  a 4 door car? with no cash they will get their money at escrow, on the sale of my property,  My property was located at the most desirable part of Los Angeles and next to the Paramount Studios, only few blocks away.

So mama help me to prepare my things, which ones will I take?  which to give away? and which to leave them to mother?

So  I  went to sign the papers I already have that  new car,  since yesterday the dealership approved my credit immediately and I drove  the car out of the show room! without a dollar deposit only my word about closing escrow on the next few days, so they will get cash out of the sale of my house.

With the Renault Van paid in full, I still had about 35,000 dollars in cash in my hands or in my pocket.  Time to roll!

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