Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Now that we arrived in Tepoztlan near Cuernavaca and I broke entry without having confirmation of Maria to use her home, but it was empty  I reason too myself so most be O.K.so I found the away in did no say too Tad anytihing about it,  beautiful place, wood bims celing and told spaceis roms, big bad with furs on it, now one thing there were not enough wood to keep the whole house warm, so we were in bad early with a cozy fire a bottle of wine and acurucaditos with lots of fur covers all over the bad, and same in us,  we love, we read , we laufgh,and fell asleep early, the wood was still in that big fireplace burning with, the room look so so romantic and Mexican, whit precolombian art every where on the room shelves and candles and that smell of burning wood that only in Mexico, the wood  smell”s like that,  will get firewood tomorrow but now  too …..  Next morning we decided to go to the peak of the mountain, Tepozteco, where the clouds sometimes cover the temple and half of mountain and there is a pyramid dedicated to the god of pulque (the Mexican alcoholic beverage), about 1420 metres of altitude very heart to climb and very dangerous, many of tourist head to be taken to Mexico City for the bad fractures D.F. is about 3 or 4 hrs . drive in car depends of trafico, our to Cuernavaca  40 minutes, this last one is a retreat for the very rich people, per week ends , many many famous people live their,  Rodolfo Valentino was their many times guest of archaeologist and Powerful  people, Errol Flynn  quest of some spies  he himself was accused of being one, “the rich  poor  girl”  Miss Hutton  build a palace for herself and event Clark Gable visit Cuernavaca, everyone love at  perfect climate almost year round , green with Valleys and rivers with water falls piramides mountains and above all tranquility low key discretely wonderful, hideaway .

 'El Tapon de Darien" nears port  on one of the rivers

‘El Tapon de Darien” nears port on one of the rivers

Most of the days you don’t see the mountain top and the ruins of the old pyramids of Tepozteco, in Tepoztlan where we were now stay for couple of days and meeting very interesting people, (or what is left of the pyramids now in ruins), but, it was clear that day, so we decided to go and claim to see these ruins,

I  prepared a basket full of food and liquor and some wine, a great  picnic for us to eat and drink on top of this pyramid.  When we finally arrived there and relaxed to eat and drink, the clouds star coming upon us, as we were finishing our meal, enjoying the scenery drinking the rest of our buzz. The clouds swept over us slowly and covered us with the fog, so it was like being inside clouds envueltos in it floating in the sky, this was a marvelous feeling,  also quite different ,  looking up at them from the bottom of the hill, but then it started pouring down water on us and we had to descend, because the rain would not stop soon.

Canal de Panama in that time look like this

Canal de Panama in that time look like this

It was time to leave Tepoztlan– we really did not want too,  but Tad had a schedule to keep in Pamplona Spain for the running of the bulls, so we continued our journey,,,we ,took an local bus  yes  with chickens and ducks baby pigs, it smell like a farm and not a bus, it the  border of Mexico and Guatemala.

By now I told Tad I knew people  and friends right where he wanted  to go, to see Lake Atitlan and that was where Jose was now, I did not know he was living with La Negra, so I got a big surprise after an arduous trip hitchhiking and finally getting to Guatemala, and now to Lake Atitlan to the Hacienda of the coffee plantation of La Negras family. We arrived at night and as we entered their home, there  was Jose with  La Negra and a new baby!  Well surprise, surprise, surprise!

My heart stopped for a moment and all my feelings for him revived in me, I still loved him.  I had tears and lots of pain, my hard was coming crazy, , but I contained them for my pride. Tad was just a fanboy for me up too now, I did not really love him,  as Jose was still there on my mind and body, but now it became more than that, now Tad  is great company and fun and he cares for me, I like that, do Jose seems not he’d forget our love,  showing us looking at me the motorcycle in the middle of the bedroom,  next to the baby, with which we had  the accident and call her La Tzarina,  I couldn’t play anymore that game,  I start liking Tad  a lot.

 I said,  Well, let’s get  something to drink, we’d come from a long journey  dirty, shirty and tired, (good excuse) to drink unfortunately  the only thing available  buzz was Mayan real  aguardiente, the strongest cheapest alcoholic drink available in this pueblo, the only one the Mayan Indians sold. There’s  not a single liquor store in this valley in or  out of this beautiful mountains,  with the most beautiful lake  inside a crater of a volcano,  millions of years old!

We slept in the next room to Jose’s and my mind was thinking of the past we had with Jose.  And in the morning after having had Mayan grown coffee, and some more aguardiente me alone, no one else drink like I did, we had a tour by the  coffee  plantation and all their proceedings up to  the shipping.  The following day we proceeded our journey to the next country, Honduras.  Sometimes in  buses and sometimes hitchhiking with  the trucks.  I must be honest, since this area  my confessions- I don’t remember much of Honduras. I think we slept in a hostel  in Tegucigalpa, and continued quickly on to Nicaragua, where we found a camping ground. There were lots of young people that probably had some cause to say and talk about us, me being so much older than him, but they did not comment to me or ask about my relationship with Tad Gail, which was very nice of them.  We made lots of friends there, some were going too Pamplona also.  We ate with them and drank with them and it was O.K.– but  camping in tents was not my bag!

We had no problems on the borders. I said I was his aunt, and while they most probably did not believe it,  that was alright with me.   Next stop Costa Rica:  beautiful beaches, great forests and we arrived at a good time, not much rain at that time of year. We arrived in a big truck with a bedroom built up like a second floor, so Tad asked the driver if we could sleep in the truck for that night, since it was too late to find a hotel or anything.  So he did let us stay there, and it was not bad…  The following morning we went out walking in San Jose.  We went exploring and found a little beautiful mobile home camp on the outskirts  of San Jose. Luckily there was a motor home empty that belonged to somebody who was out of the country.  So we rented it for couple of days.  Well Tad did, so far I did not spend any money.

From there we proceeded hitchhiking rides, down to Panamá. Now in Panamá City we stayed downtown, not too far for the canal of Panama.  What a fantastic labor of what men can do.  Then walking on down town we found  a incredibly luxurious hotel (at one time, long ago most had very important people,) with white stairs made of alabaster in a caracol shaped, marble  tile, tall ceilings with big crystal chandeliers and big ventanales and balconies hanging out of the ventanales. It was a great stay.  We love the fruit called Maranon.  We stay for another couple of days and then on a train, we set off to El Tapon de Darien. (Dear readers of my book: very soon there will be in more details of the beauty of all of this countries and their costumes and traditions.)

We were trying to cruise by car and or by ferry to Colombia from the last Port near El Tapon de Darien but there we found only swamp mosquitos, old very sad homes made of rotten wood by the jungle weather, and no road to Colombia or to anywhere ……. People said there would never be one down there  (but if you open the world atlas it shows (in that time) that is a trans american highway from the beginning of the Andes to the end of the Andes after Chile, because of the traffic of drugs and other illegal things never will be the part of that finished.  Well, now what?

Tad’s plan was this and this is the only time he will be able to do it.  We must and had to get to Colombia and then to Venezuela, we could not afford flying, because this was not in his budget and I don’t think it included me another person in that nor I ask him about his money so I really don’t know, and never ask him about his money situation to go any other ways.  Back to the little Port of La Palma there were cargo boats going from the near La Palma port to a river that enters into Colombia shores of the Pacific and from here we can go to Medellin and home free to Venezuela and to Canaima to see my adventurous men of the jungle.

Without  further ado, we went straight to the  Las Palmas docks, where we found a place to sleep and asked how to get on a boat to Colombia. Big ships were not allowed legally to take passengers and the big ship that did, cost a fortune so we spend day after day, me translating and doing all the talking and snooping and listening until I heard of a contrabando small boat that goes out by the back of a small river where regular boats could not go.  After talking to many boat captains, we finally met this big fat ugly guy who looks dangerous to me, but I did not panic or say anything to Tad.  So we agreed it was okay to pay and go on his boat. “Captain Juan” stood up straight and shouted to his crew laughingly, we will take these two passengers!  Well, they did not look like deeply religious or godly people exactly!  We laughed too and said “Okay”, here tonight after dark? This did not sound too promising, but we laughed nervously and shook hands with Juan the jefe. The rest of the crew looked liked thieves and one of them was like Peter Lorre with a cut on his face down to the lip!  How innocent and stupid we were!

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During the great fish dinner, which was just enough for everybody, and as a matter of fact very well done by the chef of the Hotel, (I don’t remember the name). The food, wine and conversation went on, while Tad  was just staring at me across the table and  couldn’t take his eyes of me. So my partner was not feeling that great, so he pay the bill or sign for it, and retired to the room, not feeling good it all. So,  some of us proceeded to go out and sit by the tables outside, where many a time Liz Taylor and Richard Burton would sit to drink.

Ludmila in Bora Bora with Jack

Ludmila in Bora Bora with Jack

   Some people went to discos or to another bar by the sea,  but we sat there just talking and holding hands. He said come with me hitchhiking through Central America down to  Venezuela!  We’ll see your brother in the jungle and then I will be on my way to the corrida de toros in Pamplona, since I promised my friends I would be there this year. Then we’ll see each other when I am back in L.A or  if you want to come  with me to Spain….. Boy o boy I was not aware how far into the alcohol I was? Of course anything seems possible any time under  Mr. Buzz..

It was not easy to say goodbye to my future  partner , of course not any  more business or anything else, as of the moment I told him I was going to Central America and to Venezuela to see my brother, he knew better by then, what was going on?  Lets call him Mr X . With him I had a  horrible situation; he almost did not want to give me back my passport, since he paid the hotel and flight and meals. I did not explain nada to him except that I was not coming back to L. A with him, that I am coming to Yelapa, so I left him there, with no remorse.

Cuernavaca whit friends and Tad

Cuernavaca whit friends and Tad

Tad and I went on our merry go round into the  next town by the beach on the other side of Puerto Vallarta, Yelapa, In those years  there were no roads or any way to go to this place, except by horse or mule or by boat. That was how the provisions arrived there, all the  food and water; as we approached the place we saw its indescribable beauty, so unique,  mountains going high and all over them green jungle surrounding like a coat, and cliffs dropping  to the sea.  There were no beaches except where we were arriebe in the boat, we walked up and up the little dirt road full of  palms trees and jungle shrubs,when we got out of the boat.  I remember that Octavio, my Chilean friend, had a wife living there with her new husband, she was there and invited us to her  gorgeous tall and spacious Palapa. There was an incredible  boutique of very fine things that the rich tourist   went crazy for!.   Tad met Ruth and she welcomed us, then offered us a drink — well, not any drink but one especially made for her by the indians in the mountain tops, real Mezcal that  was so smooth and delicious that I ask for refill of course, and a second and a third one. Tad he was O.K. with one drink but not me!

We found a cabana in the rocky area almost touching  the water so it was possible to get in the water carefully, we stayed there for three nights and it was fun. I drank all the time, he read all the time, and it seemed the romance was progressing because we did not argue or step on each other toes.  In the center of this mini pueblo there was an open bar and once in awhile they had movies. One particular night they had one, and what a surprise  I could not  believe here in God’s place they were playing “ Kaliman”   In this Mexican film  was my friend of the parties in Hollywood and Mexico City  Jeff Cooper!

Ludmila whit a German Von Boron in Cuernavaca

Ludmila whit a German Von Boron in Cuernavaca

Staying there I remembered Bora Bora with my ex husband  Jack, where we had a different time, cocaine and making love everywhere on the water, on the long solitary beaches and even in the golf cart! That was a little different from this intellectual romantic  trip with Tad, but…

From there we went on to Cuernavaca,  where I invited us to the house of Maria, my German friend. Her father was a well known archaeologist. She had a very romantic house, with beautiful landscaping, flowering gardens and trees everywhere, this was in  Tepoztlan  just few minutes outside of Cuernavaca…

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We walked hand in hand, we talked, and we heard some far away music very Mexican and Romantic. Of all the composers of course one I knew one very well- Agustin Lara! They were  playing “ Mujer Mujer Divina”  that he composed for all of the women he loved. But at that time Maria Felix was his great love, as I once was and like every women  he ever loved.

In Puerto Vallarta Ludmila after swimming.....

In Puerto Vallarta Ludmila after swimming…..

Then he got a bottle of good wine and we drank it sitting in the sand and watching the sunset. We did not speak much as we walked  to my hotel  and said good night in front of my hotel room door, with the most innocent but passionate kiss I ever had. I went straight to the table where a bottle of Scotch was sitting, and I poured myself a stiff drink or two, and then went to bed .

Next morning when I walked in our bathroom there on the floor were many papers and restaurant napkins folded. I sat on the john and started reading them  , with my heart throbbing and goose pimples all over my skin. this starts the process of being in love, how did they get here? I looked up behind me the wall up ahead and saw a little window  that was very high up, facing  the corridor and the interior of our bathroom, so, at read  that  he had  to see me again and again   please …

Ludmila coing to the river area whit local woman..

Ludmila coing to the river area whit local woman..

My friend was still in bad and very uncomfortable so I went downstairs to the desk  to ask for a massage or acupuncture or doctor. And there in the lobby he was sitting riding some magazine!  We said hello and I invited him to the fish dinner that evening; we already invited a full table but I asked the chef to make one more space.  The was still there ( I had a terrible night because of the pain of the poor John his back was killing him and had to wait until now to get someone to ask for a Dr. , this is Sunday not one works not even the emergency rooms they are open but there is no Doctors their,  I went upstairs saying too Tad Gail that I was too talk to him now see him later,  tonight, can’t talk now,  I must help my friend and business associate, he is not very well.  He stared in my eyes holding my hand and said, “I will be there– may be will talk  after dinner?”

Modeling for a cover of a magazine

Modeling for a cover of a magazine

Today I know very well that I always needed to be in love, always, and especially when pain, distress or any crisis comes along that I cannot cope with.  So  when I am  feeling that indescribable thing called love?  Anyone who was willing to give me attention and show of concern or care, I converted it in a love.  Today I begin now to understand that which at that time I was blind to Alcohol un auer that  was  an serious alcoholism on full bloom, , you will say, drugs you will say!,  I think I agree now that it was the pain in my subconscious, from my childhood and youth.  By drinking using  which appeared being love? I found the only emotion to cover pain was love or did I really ever love anyone?

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After this incredible night on the town, we had to get up and go fishing at 6am!  I had no problem with that, but my friend from the cosmetic company had a very bad back and believe it or not, we had no coochie coochie the night before. Maybe because I was not really attracted to him, as you see I always had to have romance with sex, not just the sex alone. Not that he had no appetite for me, but many women at that time were nymphomaniacs I think. Hollywood was waking up to wild sex in the hippie era, and I had to have to be dope up to the gills! Like what happened with that black gentleman cocaine pusher who never sold me a gram, always giving me as much as wanted. Well now I can see very clearly why, but back then I did not think about it: I just did everything for fun. It was just there, or nothing better to do, or did not have any plans. I also did not have God as I know Him now.  Of course I was still a model but now it had no future.

Ludmila In the sixties it was a big scandal wen this bathing suit came out

Ludmila in the sixties it was a big scandal wen this bathing suit came out

So there we were fishing. I am not a specialist at fishing, but I love the water, the sun, boats, yachts and everything that is on or near the water.

My friend was supposed to be a good fishermen, and was showing me how to cast, though the fish simply would not bite his line. But I pulled in several good-sized fish, and the more I brought in the more pissed he got! With that bad mood , he managed to pull a muscle in his lower back and could barely stand up. So we had to stop fishing and go back to the hotel.

Ludmila a commercial for the blues

Ludmila a commercial for the blues

We had enough fish to invite 8 or 9 people to dinner. He went to bed and the fish went to the cook for tomorrow’s dinner with our friends. By then, we hoped he would be better, but since I am not an nurse and not very caring person, I was not really worried about him. In that time I think I was  on my early 30s, I was full of life and adventures. I left the room and the hotel, wishing him a good rest.

I put on my new  bathing suit and went to the beach, only carrying a sari around my waist,  dancing and happy to be alone. I went skipping through the waves It must have been 3 or 4 pm, it was just hot enough for me to enjoy getting and out of the water and walking along the water skipping over the little waves singing.

Ludmila in top of roof whit local children watching the parade

Ludmila in top of roof whit local children watching the parade

Then my sunglasses fell in the water, the waves will take them away! So I reached down and something held my hand, with my glasses against the palm. As I looked up, I saw these big blue eyes full of admiration and, I would dare say, with love. He had been watching me for a long time and following along, but I was too busy in the water to notice him. He had this young smile, with the most expressive eyes, as he gently introduced himself:  “Tom Gale…”  “I am Ludmila,” I replied. I suddenly felt alive and happier than before, with goose bumps on my skin and my heart accelerating. I knew something great was happening to me! When we stood up straight, I saw he was much taller than I (I was 5’8″) and in his early twenties.  So he was just right, taller than me but  after Jose also was 10 years younger (10 years then it seemed so much), I said to myself he is  too much  younger!. As I told him “thank you!” I realized I wanted to know more about this young man. But I did not know that one day this would change my life.

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Octavio and I went to the mansion of Jaclyn Smith to apply for  jobs, me for the chef cook and Octavio as the Mayordomo. Of course I was not acknowledging her knowing me,  because now I was the makeup  artist, and I would have to explain everything and it was not the time nor the place.

Ludmila and her great husband Jack Millman ready for the Christmas party in  Walt Disney

Ludmila and her great husband Jack Millman ready for the Christmas party in Walt Disney

Now working as an makeup artist I had two meet people in the business.  I met the Clairol sub director, for whom I had a proposition about going to Mexico and trying to promote a new make up they just put out.

So we went to Puerto Vallarta where at that time I had some friends. The very next  day we were invited to the X-Mrs. Lavender it was fantastic, we met some very important people for business and enjoyed ourselves very much..Next day we went to look at the boat that he rented and decided to go fishing for the day  after  tomorrow .

After relaxing by the beach and having some Margarita ,  we went to our hotel on the center of P.V where the Burtons always stayed, before they bought (or I should say he bought) the famous house. That was very romantic, across from the river that empties in the ocean- the house was facing the river and from the balcony they could see the local women washing their laundry on  the rocks, that was their washing mashing beating the clothes over than,.  But in the meantime they stayed here in front of the old beautiful  Church with the crown on top and the dolphins statue across on the other side, on  the Malecon  where the breakers were splashing in the foundation of the cement wall.

We arrived at our room, he went two shave, and I went to the beauty salon to have a massage and bubble jacuzzi. The hairdresser did my hair, then I went up where he was already  dressed very elegantly in a tropical white jacket. I put on a aqua color long  gown, than  we were to stop  and pick up our host and his wife, then go to another opening of another artist at  another Gallery and pick up our other friends who also were invited– and  then finally go to  diner.

We arrive in a vintage car, I don’t remember the make, as  I never really gave any attention to anything like that, some old cars.  Well, this restaurant was in a place near the old town overlooking the waters of the Pacific. It was the most  exquisite restaurant, only known to the very rich, crystal chandeliers (real not fake), and mirrors for your individual table to see in, very discreet– you could not see really your neighbors except if your were invited to their table, but your could hear and see the water and white foam against the seawall

"This was  the party in Puerto Vallarta"

“This was the party in Puerto Vallarta”

On our table there was a basket of  arrangements on each of the 6 places not very large but fully open  Gardenias,  on the side of the table in an beautiful basket made look like real gold , with a red linen napkin wrapping an excellent vintage Dom Perignon. That I did not remember having before!  As we sat down the waiter opened the champagne  and after doing so, asked the host if it was okay, As he left, the host said, “Ladies, how  would you like to smell the camellias or gardenias?”  Then of course I realized why they were so white– they were full of cocaine, the whole center of the flower.

How could I forget this? It was the epitome of getting high,  after that event the meal  (which was something special) seemed of very little importance, because of this magnificent pure snow powder– if I breathed too hard it would blow away.!

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Ludmila working as a top make up artist in Beverly Hills

Ludmila working as a top make up artist in Beverly Hills

Jose just forgot about me. He wrote a few letters to me in LA,  that he would soon be there, and as time went on I suffered like a mad beast, my pride and my imaginary love for him!  Leaving my dear Jack did not leave me too much peace of mind, and in the meantime Joy had got Jack closer and closer to herself,  When I had invited them to a Mexican party,  I had by now an Mexican house boy helping me. But Jack seemed  uninterested in me anymore, or maybe it was his pride. I didn’t  blame him, or I did not notice he did not desire anything to do with me romantically, much less wanting me back

The cane and the pipe became one with me. Daud had big parties some families like the Saturdays with Baba and some orgies I went to, I drank at home I drank at the party I drank in the car driving: I drank and drank and drank.  I remember that I was restless; unhappy which is not in my nature, but I was missing something that I did not know or understand. I felt that there had to be more to my life, something greater, that I could be doing with my mind and life.  But the time went by, the clock did not stop ticking.  I was on a baguan for a long time ,  I did not know that their were held, like  A.A.

The two hair artist and Ludmila in the salon of Robinson on Beverly Hills

The two hair artist and Ludmila in the salon of Robinson on Beverly Hills

Than  this great Idea  came to my mind:  why not worked in cosmetics, since I knew almost everything there was  to know about it, and modeling and acting  were disappointing to me. Without realizing that the trouble was with me, not my profession, I went and got a job at one of the most prestigious  Beverly Hills salons. Suddenly I was a “world-famous makeup artist!” I don’t know  how I managed to get that title! since I had always been  a customer on the receiving end,  massages ,facials, make ups, hair………and now I am telling these very rich women what to use and the more they bought the more I would get. I was even invited to La Jolla to a large mansion with our famous hair artist to work at this incredible wedding– he was doing the hair  and me the makeup. They put us up at the fabulous  La Jolla Hotel, all  expenses paid.

At the wedding  I met Jaclyn Smith (for the second time) who kept  staring  at me and said, “Do I know you?  Are you’re sure we didn’t meet some place?” I denied it,  gently like the lady I was, but strongly.

Mexican style party in Ludmilas home.

Mexican style party in Ludmilas home.

Of course I knew her, when my dear aristocratic friend Octavio Senoret after not being very successful financially with his  paintings, which were really good he had a incredible style–unique, like every good creative artist. He was from a great family in Chile and in those times Mexico did not want any Russians like me!  I had to pay a bond when I came to see Agustin Lara, guaranteeing my return to Venezuela. See how things have changed now, when the Mexicans want every right without paying!  I don’t say that bitterly, just pointing out how history changes and we in Mexico gladly obey their rules as it is their country, just like the U.S. is another people’s country, with one big difference: do we have the Statue of Liberty standing high and mighty?  We ought not to hurt and abuse her,  but together to make even more glorious this free land of milk and honey for pursuit of happiness and freedom for  all. Who is willing to respect and love this beautiful land,   I guess I am too old fashioned and so what?  in any  case they did not allow Octavio to even enter Mexico, even to see his children that lived in Yelapa (Acapulco), supposedly because Chile was communist.

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I have to clarified what was not clear in my last blog. La Negra Maldonado is a daughter of a large Hacendado of a coffee plantation in San Lucas Toliman, Lake of Atitlan. After the bike accident they took me there, to the only  Dr. available around this mountain area of the lake, without going to the other site of the lake,  where all the tourist area are. Jose meet some friends walking with La Negra, while I was with the local Dr. and they all agreed  that I will be better in  her Hacienda because I would be much more comfortable there, with servivent etc. which Jose did not have in his small cabana.

Grant and Ludmila going to the stables in Hollywood to horseback riding.

Grant and Ludmila going to the stables in Hollywood to horseback riding.

After my motorcycle accident, I could not walk, nor do modeling, but I could be a makeup consultant, with my large experience in cosmetics and makeup. I was very good  at it, so I landed a  fantastic job, on the  top floor of a gorgeous salon in one of the most famous stores in Beverly Hills.

And the another picture that was before,  that  did not make sense in my story,  was the one me laying on my living room floor with drinks,  plenty of them and pain pills,  with my left leg immobilized, watching Grant remodeling my little  horrible nightmare house that I purchased for a very good price.

I start feeling that familiar feeling that I was on my own, alone, no one to protect me like Jack used to do- I used to feel so secure with him!

I don’t really know how that made me feel because I was always medicated with alcohol,  so in a way I reverted to some degree, confronting myself and taking responsibility of myself. Now that life showed me this, I am back starting where I began at birth!

I remember it well!  This insane house purchase. Well, at the time it seemed like a good idea!

Jose and Ludmila sitting in the street of Guatemala

Jose and Ludmila sitting in the street of Guatemala

Before I  left  for Guatemala, I purchased this house without even seeing it, just so we would have a house when we came back. Well, now Mr. Grant Lesley was working on remodeling this horror, and he was handsome, but short, with blond hair, blue eyes and an outgoing personality. Just what the doctor ordered, jajajaja!  He was very charming, so he convinced me to remodel this little garbage house into a mini-jungle in the guest room, wall-to-wall paper with jungle animals, tigers, panthers and lions, orchids and palm trees in the living room (for real) so you could not see on from the street but I could see out.

In the main bedroom was a white wall-to-wall carpet, white walls, white silk bedding, a white  fox fur imitation  bad cover,  a night table with a red base, and white and red roses, and a large mirror reflecting the light of the window and plants from outside there was a mini garden  out their, plus  a white rocking chair.

Taking a ride whit Bud Harrod after modeling

Taking a ride whit Bud Harrod after modeling

Today, I realize that Grant was a really good friend:  he took my mind off  Jose, my injuries,  and the pain of mourning I was going through. (Thank you Grant–I hope your are reading this wherever you are. You were a fantastic decorator, carpenter, designer, everything !) The living room was Mexican with large wooden furniture made by him,  in front of the new design  red brick fireplace,( replacing the one I almost die by the night I arrived)  with a large red hardwood mantel,  the kitchen head a  table which stuck out of the counter of the dining area with a bar behind at an door to the small garden and garage and the other side to the living room and the hall away to the lef.

Well, I spent most of the money from the divorce settlement, but I had a showplace that I loved and that made me grow. It was the most romantic place, tiny but enchanting! The hallway to my room was  full of books on each side of the walls. I could had almost any fantastic book, some that I lugged with me from Venezuela.  (How strange now I rarely read anymore!)  from Thomas Mann to all the collected works of  Winston  Churchill,  philosophers all the way back to Socrates and Plato. (Socrates did not write, of course, he spoke and Plato wrote down his dialogues his ideas and philosophy)..

Smoking a tabaco pipe

Smoking a tabaco pipe

Grant and I become more than friends, lovers of course,  but with no attachments. We had a lot of fun remodeling this ugly duckling into our fantasy of beautiful fairy tale home.  I loved it and everyone who came to my home loved it too. I had some really good parties. Jack came by with his new girlfriend Joy who he married later on, Jeff Cooper, and many other famous people and of course movie stars…

Then when I got better I went back to work, with my favorite designer Bud Harrod, who at one time was my boyfriend– and the only man that ever put a diamond ring on my finger! it was over a one karat rock that had belonged to his father. Not for a proposal, because he was scared of marriage after his last experience.  But we worked well together, in harmony you could say, and we went in to New Years to Las Vegas and many other US cities for designer week– New York, San Francisco, Houston, Dallas. On one trip to San Francisco, I saw William again for the last time. He was back from Hawaii, and we had a farewell dinner at the Saint Francis hotel. We talked about his Cafe Imperial, the coffee I helped him sell door to door in L.A. It was a fantastic idea, but it did not sell at that time.

My set of friends had begun to change, and I was moving more into the business world instead of Hollywood showbiz. I was thinking about starting my own line of beauty products, facial creams, so  I contacted my ex-lover and dear friend Buck Rogers, who by then was living in Mexico City instead of Acapulco where I met him..  Then in LA I was introduced to a Clairol executive.

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Jose mention yesterday that if I like we go two see Guatemala everywhere, but we had two weight for my ring,  which we recovered  the next day. Jose went out  that evening , but I stayed home and  his old aunt that never been married, came to my room with a liquor bottle! Of course she said, “I  keep this for medicinal reasons”‘

I was so happy that I did not have to go out to hunt down some liquor store, let alone to get something to drink.  I couldn’t stand being without alcohol, especially being under so much stress. So I definitely wanted a drink or two… or more. Jajajajajaja!

" Back home in L.A. had to walk whit a cane for a long time."

” Back home in L.A. had to walk whit a cane for a long time.”

Next morning after breakfast, we were not talking at the table– no one cared to ask me anything. So I packed a few things and we took off on the big Kawasaki Ltd 1000 motorcycle that I bought for him. We went to the beautiful countryside en route to Lake Atitlan, stopping by the river and at the homes of some of  Jose’s friends. As we rode through the indescribable beauty of rural Guatemala, there were flowers everywhere, pine trees, rivers with little waterfalls and the smell of smoke from the wood fires in the valleys and hills. Then suddenly, we slid and tumbled over, and I found myself underneath this big motorcycle the motor were still running hot it was very hot..

Jose was screaming “Stay still, don’t move,” while trying to lift the bike, but of course he couldn’t and I couldn’t move at all! Finally some people came passing by in cars and one of them stopped to help him lift the big motorcycle off of me. It seemed to take forever, with me lying under the burning hot motor, the bike crushing down on my whole left leg.  I can’t remember much, but later they said they took us immediately to the nearby clinic in the village of San Lucas Toliman to see if any doctor was available.

Well the only thing I know was that I was in  so much pain, now  numbed not only by alcohol  and  with the the drugs to,  laying in bed in the house of La Negra Maldonado, her family hacienda with a coffee plantation. That  delicious smell  was my  companion as I was  healing….

Dancing whit William in Caracas to " It Was Fascination I know"

Dancing whit William in Caracas to ” It Was Fascination I know”

Jose was in the next room, laughing and smoking pot, and many other  people  were there, I barely could move, but slowly I was helped up to  the living room, where not one was interested in my problems. They were so high including Jose who was busy making eyes at La Negra,  and the gays were making passes at him. Wow what a group of weirdos! But there was one guy that looked half elegant with a little class ,and he had a big new van like a Jeep  and was proposing something.  I felt like I didn’t belong there with the gays and dropout drug users and la Negra  making passes at Jose– this was not exactly a happy situation for me!

Well as always , I  made the best of the worst.!   I  heard this one guy saying something about the beach and my ears perked up: The beach, yes!  I need to get out of this cold house in the mountains where we are. So when one of the boys said, Lets go to the beach!”  I was all for it. The pain was still bad, and although nothing was broken my whole leg was swollen up like a big  balloon. Some of the muscles were torn and muscle trauma had appeared, enough to make me scream with pain. So everybody was giving me pills and of course la Negra give me more stuff and aguardiente, wow wow weeeeee!

.We took off to the beach; all the way there I wanted to drink  more aguardiente until I reached oblivion. for me not two remember the countryside, which was totally different than the one we drove from,  it was hot, tropical, with a smell of iron from the sea,  the beach air was so inviting warm and nice! I don’t remember too much the scenery as we arrived ,  Jose with the three other guys went into this fantastic looking hotel which I supposed was to  get or see a room for us, and I just sit by a fishing boat and wait!!!!!

Next thing I knew,  I awoke with a cut on my forehead, inside the same boat , I remember sitting there, now I am inside of it, alone  with no one there.        Shortly Jose arrived and said something to his friends,  Look  she’s  hurt , blood in her forehead,  I thought to myself  that meant he left me alone and was with his male lovers in this luxurious hotel , which  I didn’t even seen inside, so I just wanted to go back to beautiful Atitlan.

 I did not speak to him the whole way back, until we arrived 2 or 3 hrs. later. Of course no one cared to even talk with or to  Jose, they all seemed tired. If he head?  had any dignity or concern for me?, he hid it from me, but probably not from himself.

I was in no shape to argue or judge anyone. I justed wanted to be free from the pain and to be able to walk again. so I went into the house with this mayan servants helping me carried me at this a graceful, lovely small hacienda-type pueblo ranch home of the Maldonado family, on the middle of San Lucas Toliman in Atitlan, were The Indian women their, and most of the interior of Guatemala still dressed traditionally, carried their babies on their backs, and did not dare look into anyone’s eyes. We couldn’t take pictures of them because they believed we’d steal their souls, and it we’ll be captured inside  the camera .

Arriving it this hacienda ranch I realize this was  her home then,  where she was waiting our coming back anxiously  she greeted me with  a present, just  for me,? some kind of coins and bets, (probably witchcraft– who knows?  They carried me on into the bed,  they were smokin weed all the time and she was  always high in pot or something else. She was obviously enchanted with Jose. He was tall, blond, slim and always very charming.

The servant handed me a cane,  so I could get to the bathroom or go to sit up for a moment,  which was almost impossible, I had to lie down almost all the time, even inside the cars, (which the only time  was in  our last trip to Lake Elizabeth that was the name of the beach we were at,  It was impossible to sit comfortably, being so painful I could scream, so I lay in bed almost all the time. The local doctor said not to walk for a couple of days.

In the meantime, Jose and his friends went to parties and picnics, and as it turned out, the romance between Jose and La Negra had already started.

Incredibly, in this part of the world, to hear that music on the radio!  “It was “Fascination I know”! My goodness, tears were rolling down my cheeks, with my eyes closed and even now remember dancing to that melody so many times with William, to that some music!  It was so vivid, one of our favorite songs. The last time I spoke to him was in Sausalito (near San Francisco) in the  “No Name Bar,” still where he said he loved me… but that was last time we spoke in person two person and kiss and love each other,  at that time  felt so long ago .  I guess it must have been ?   before he moved to Hawaii and become a rich, successful men,Ice cream and coffee merchant, o crepes two go on Sausalito.

So you see, the wind carries all our promises away,  on the lips of cocaine and alcohol.  Any promise seems real, whether to the one who lies or the one who wants to believe them. sure,  we would believe  everything, I did for many years 10 o so,  all promise “ el aire se las llevo” almost anything to get what or who we want, if it feels good and looks great at that moment, when we are high…

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The divorce from dear Jack was not pushed by me. He showed up at my place with 20.000 dollars and I just signed the papers that Joy, our friend, had in her hands. And that was it. Not once did anyone ask me if I wanted the divorce. I believe now that my friend Joy did all this for him because she liked him for herself, and that was that.

Ludmila top model and expert make up artist working as a consultant for woman in Beverly Hill top Salon

Here I am the supreme artist Consultant for Beauty and make up, in Beverly Hills, Robertson Beauty Salon


In the meantime, we were in this small apartment, so I started a mail order business and proceeded to buy a Kawasaki Ltd for Jose. After a while  he went off to Guatemala to try to prepare his parents for our wedding, because I was older than him by 9 years. Since this was not a common thing in a Latin American country with very old fashioned Catholics, he needed to talk to them before I arrived.  Then I went few days  later to Guatemala and stayed in their home. Of course, now it was a shock to me, to find them to be this old-fashioned middle class family. His  father was a retired doctor,  his mother just a housewife, and a seamstress living with them.

They put me in  a separate room from Jose of course .Their furniture was wooden antiques, typical of nouveau riche furniture, but of course very proper, and of course a dining table that seated all of us, or was it 6 chairs? Because one morning his sister showed up for breakfast and we all were seated at this beautiful rid caoba wood table, the chairs with big tall backs and beautifully carved. They always served breakfast, lunch and dinner at exactly the same time every day.

Jose disappeared most of the time at night, but I was supposed to be a Lady and stay home and say NADA about it! Well that is not exactly me! Then one evening he shows up and tells me, Get dressed up we’re going to celebrate and I’ll introduce you to my friends.   How blind  can one be under Mr. buzz? I was completely blind, did not see nothing wrong with anything – and there was plenty wrong!

That evening I was totally confronted with his male lovers and female lovers and I did not care. That same evening I got robbed by his friend’s wife! We went to their apartment to have some cocaine that I brought with me from Hollywood, and I went to the bathroom to wash up. I left an 60 karat Persian Turquoise ring with diamonds in the bathroom and she picked it up and put it away. Well, I was looking on the floor everywhere, finally when we arrived home I told Jose if my ring doesn’t show up by that next evening, we’ll go to the police and to the  American Counsel.  They even finished off my coca as I  was getting a drink in the kitchen! What kind of friends are these, with their scams!” I said to Jose.

So he says, Let’s just take the motorcycle and go to Lake Atitlan after your get you ring.

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In the period after I left Jack, my life was one big quest for love, drugs, and an imaginary happiness. The source of happiness seemed to be getting high, so I developed a more and more unquenchable thirst for drugs, alcohol and selfish pleasures. This quest took all the sanity out of my mind.

I was leaving  a husband who took care of me the best he knew how, brought me coffee in bed in the morning, put up with my  hangovers ( which were getting to be every day), and really did  everything for me.  I wanted animals? Well, okay, Jack would go to farms to pick up hay and other food for the animals out in the middle of the countryside, bring it back to Hollywood and all just to please me. We took trips together, or he let me go off by myself,  to Tahiti (that is a whole another story),  to Bora Bora , Moorea , Raiatea,Papaiety, Venezuela. He let me go to Mexico whenever I wanted, which I did frequently so I could escape into more drink and drugs and adventures, like Buck Rogers  where I did  had many friends of  and the x wife of Ron Lavender  who owned a very famous Gallery she introduced me to so many people among which an incredible lover hansom told black azabache hair, but this part of the my adventure goes on in another blog.

Ludmila going to the Polo field to ride the horse

Ludmila going to the Polo field to ride the horse

Jack now says that he didn’t realize how badly I was strung out on drugs, which shows how deceptive addiction can be. He thought I was just having fun, but I hid my worst behavior and made believe I was okay. Of course, at that time everybody I knew in Hollywood seemed to be strung out on something. I thought it was okay flirting and even going to bed with other man, because that is what I learn from my first beloved man. My fantasy of selfish, make-believe happiness was really just to camouflage my own inner pain and the sickness of addiction.

There were parties at Sammy Davis Jr.s place in Beverly Hills, with lots of cars parked in front of his house. Sammy loved collecting expensive new cars, like many nouveau riche people. He was born Catholic but converted to Judaism, probably for the convenience that  it offered in Hollywood on those years,  and the movie business. You got more work if you were friends with the Jewish directors, investors and agents, We’ll I must say in another think they make great husbands , I was mary to 2 of them Tom and Jack and let not forget my first, the real love Williams also Jews Who was not so good, promising the ski and gave me nothing,  only took from my youth the innocence , but made me dream of better tomorrow.

Daniel Rio Lobos and me and others in a crazy party in Venezuela in Alejandro's Penthouse

Daniel Rio Lobos, Ludmila and others in a crazy party in Venezuela in Alejandro’s Penthouse

I don’t know what he really believed.  I had a photograph of him swearing an oath to Satan, some Cult of 666 that was popular, especially for the sex. I have one photo of me , taken for a magazine, posing at a dark castle on the Hollywood Hills. I went there and saw caskets in the rooms, weird things; as I was leaving the photo shoot, people were arriving dressed in strange black costumes, so that gives you an idea what was going on. But he was a great singer and dancer, one of the best in that period, or maybe the best ever, but the parties were wild and full of drugs and liquor. I personally only can say about him that he was a gracious host and very lively, nice person to me and Jose, so let God be the Judge. I liked him very much as an performer.

There were so many parties and stories, so I wi’ll keep writing but not all of them here in my  blog,  you wi’ll have to read my book. ..

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