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Archive for the ‘Narcotics’ Category

“ Angels, Angels.. who is my guardian)

Posted in Family, Hollywood, Love, Modelling, Narcotics, Social life on January 25, 2014| Leave a Comment »

That Saturday, after gambling until very late, for a change I lost some of may Bolivares, maybe because?– no,  I  am sure,  that the reason I is, I was  getting tire of playing with these guys, they were bad players and did not even knew the rank of cards well. So I drank and drank until I drank almost the hole of a litter bottle of rum by myself. There were several of than,  Saturday’s nights were  like this, ( thats not a surprise to any of you readers that know me).

Ludmila has been whit Peter in scary situations like THE ONDA NUEVA festival

Whit Peter Graves in Onda Nueva Festival in Caracas we had to confront almost Jail whit the mafia union to hired there grow of cameraman, in Onda Nueva festival that the close I ever became in prison ” (before this )…………….

Sunday I was tired but very excited: “I’m going out, out,!” Even if just to go to a Church  that is not mine, (Roman Catholic and I am Eastern Orthodox, you understand the difference?)+ I will see the streets and places; I was thinking that today there was also chance to talk  with Dona Magdalena and her husband the Jefe of this place,  and who knows what else es he? and of course beside being an: lawyer, lets not forget that, so let’s acknowledge that,  in fact he the and has wife may will be my ticket to ride out of here.

They arrived in a new black Cadillac parking  in front of the detention house main doors, Charlie call me out, escorting me too the car: “portate bien” he whispered in my ear.  We wink to each other with an smile.

(God bless  Dona Magdalena and her husband and her husband, at  times I think in retrospect it may have been her nagging her husband to set me free; she became my angel).

" In this photo, I was before in jail but was only a theater play"

” In this photo, I was before in jail but was only a theater play”

I was  dressed with my indian black dress and I did my long hair  on a Grace Kelly bun twist, nice and simple but elegant, very light lipstick very presentable  for Church ,  of course I still had my make up with me, being a model, what do you expect? not overly made up, just very presentable as I said before  for Church.

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I  notice that , I must say one thing,  that  in different civilisations women from tropical or latin countries tend to overdo their make up going to church, and the young dressed unprohibited for Church where I came from, of course that was my upbringing from my adored mama.

The smell of this new Cadillac reminded me of the good life, that I all of the sudden became too much, memories came back to my mind, my beloved William dancing in the private clubs, sunbathing in the Tamanaco pool, eating in great elegant restaurants, drinking out of crystal classes, real cloth napkins, etc,. men lighting may cigarettes, pulling my chair, opening the doors, where is all this gone? This was so rough, almost cruel, have to go back, I  miss it!.

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Oh yes I missed that life, seeing my mother dress  up for Church,or going to a Russian Ball. All this was spinning  in my mind,  I felt  so weak in my present  nightmare. When is it going to be over?  I want get out of this situation and out of Maracaibo! It is a long and incredible story!

In Church on my knees I prayed and prayed and my tears just roll on by themselves; I could not stop them! Why  am I here?

There was an answer, but I did not know that yet, I was a alcoholic and I did no know at, and  that was that.

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Gambling in the prison – cat – what? I can go Sunday where?

Posted in Love, Modelling, Narcotics, Social life, Uncategorized on December 31, 2013| Leave a Comment »

All was quiet again in the evening, everyone went to their homes. I did not see Senor Rodriguez or Senorita Pepita that day,  just the two cops, policemen sitting at the table and talking and drinking something.  I noticed they had a deck of cards and I thought: this is getting exciting, maybe I can win some money so I can get that  Wayuu dress I want. I have very few Bolívares, so I have to be very good, or they have to be very bad!

Ludmila before the arrest

Ludmila before the arrest

Ola Officer Pedro! He responded, Señora? Is Pepe okay? Sientese. Thank you,  I will.  Then came Carlos,   now there three card players with Juan there. I said, “So now we are four is good for playing poker no? “

Pepe agreed, “Si señora, you take the dice and tirelos to see who deals!”  Bueno, I picked up the dice and rolled them fast and I had the biggest number, double six, so I dealt the cards. Juan pulled a bottle of rum out of the bag he had with him (a mochila) and passed it around discretely, while Pepe made sure to give me a glass too.

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An empty sardine can was our ashtray, and we smoked and played for hours  I was tired and nervous that  if I won too much they would get pissed off at me , so I said I was tired and needed to go to bed. I had made some extra Bolívares that I did no have before! Well, we sure did finish the bottle that night; and to my surprise they were very much the gentlemen and did not say nothing outrageous or crude, simply saying goodnight. Pepe only said, “Señora be prepared- that  there may be  lot of noise tonight, this is Saturday and there will be a lot of rum and aguardiente (these is the local cheap alcoholic beverage)  and ” muchos accidentes. ” I could only imagine what he meant, but I said, “I understand, okay?  Buenas noches,  gracias” and I went off the bed with my winnings.

Anatoly awaiting Ludmila in Canaima

Anatoly awaiting Ludmila in Canaima

But as soon I was sound asleep on my comfy  but dirty hammock, (have to wash it tomorrow),  the noise started up: drunk people with bandages still in:

after they were attended to by the medics; I don’t know what they were doing there, but they were making  lots of racket.

When it cooled off a little and everyone was back where  they were supposed  to be, Pepe knocked on my door and said,  “I have a surprise for you!” He handed me this little black bundle of fur– My kitten! “He was  right by the main street door, you want him?”   Si , si!   Back on my hammock I had the sweetest sleep in a long time,  with this little thing purring into my ears, it sounded just like a lullaby!!!!

And the week went in and out, and it was next Saturday. By then I hand a Wayee Indian black dress with the winnings of my gambling every night, a party accompanied always by rum or aguardiente or sometimes cheap vodka.

This is the third week in this reten (holding place jail), with some medical nurse por mainer things ,  the series once of course stay in hospitals, not here,.   After they  area will,  then they bring them here.

I still hadn’t heard or seen a familiar face and to tell the true I really did not worried  or care I hand booze,  cigarettes , gambling and thats all I care at the moment.

Saturday  before they close the milk giving and all paper worked in all this accidentes , people either went home some and others not  ,The secretary Pepita came to my room, my I came on , of course,( is your  place I  thought to myself,) They worked until 11 in Saturdays and invited me to the office of Licenciado Rodriguez, which by now was familiar to me, with me almost being a working person here for free. “Si Senor, at your service,” I said.  “Please sit down. Are they treating you good?” So. of course Senor Licenciado si!”  I called you in,  for this reason; my wife asked me  to ask you if you would like to go to the Cathedral tomorrow, where? is  Sunday  and is going to be a good service? We would be happy to take you, in our custody of course.”  “Yes yes ( thank your God) yes  if that is possible?  I would love to go with your charming wife and yourself, Senor Licenciado!”

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Under the Desk

Posted in Family, Love, Narcotics, Personal life, Social life, Uncategorized on November 20, 2013| 1 Comment »

Book Scans Two0002

“Yes , I guess, yes , but you cannot leave this office or go outside. You must just stay in that corner, so  no one will see you , but I must put you back inside there at 5 am because the other jailer is coming to relieve  me and I would not be back until this evening. Hopefully you will be O.K.”.. What did she meant by hopefully? Well I couldn’t think,  I  just sat on the floor and tried to rest between her desk and the corner wall,  away from the rotten, broken door left open all the time. So I could hear the noises of the giant square cell outside and the women cursing and laughing and screaming at each other with words that I had never heard before (and I heard plenty of curse words since childhood!. They even expelled me from one school that my sister tried to put me in, because those was the first words I learned when we arrived in Venezuela). O my dear God, Help me!…. but the night went by amazingly fast.

5 am: “hey, let’s go, let’s go!” My jailer walked  out only couple of meters from where we were, and I was following her very hesitantly.  Then she opened that giant iron gate door, pushing the women away and telling them to back off. “Go in!”  In there? “Go!”  and she almost pushed me. I was carrying my poetry book of Khalil Gibran against my chest, clutching it for dear life, when they all  surrounded me and I barely get to the first bed I saw and just sat there, with them all around me. One of them was walking towards us screaming “Let her breath mariconas!” They just backed off a little, and this one came up and grabbed my book. ” What is this?”  I humbly but forcefully said, “That is dried flowers that I picked up hitchhiking from Mexico to here.” “What?” Ha ha ha ha!” All of them laughed,  but she just stood there and said too the others, “let her be.”  Looking at my book she said, “This is not Spanish,” and  I said, “No it is Ingles.”  “And your read Ingles?” she asked?  “Yes, si”

The cockroaches were still flying everywhere, it was getting later, and the morning wanted to come in,  even into this pocilga, pigsty. The smell was horrendous and the rats, well,  they could not care less for these humans. I put my feet under me in yoga position  and  did not move. One of them brought a beat up steel cup (very dirty in my opinion)  with water, and saying  “Drink this and relax you are going  to be okay.” “what?”, “The men are gone.” What did she meet by saying the men are gone?  Oh my God!

Tad picking Tomatoes through our trip

Tad picking Tomatoes through our trip

After a while, I don’t know how long. some jailers brought in coffee that tasted like pee water, and I had a chance to say “Please may I  speak to an officer?” Yes,  one was just here. “Si,  please can I call again the American Consulate?” No need,  the officer said, “they called last night and someone from the Consulado will be here this morning.”  “What time can I ask?” “Who knows? later…”

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So I went back  to  my bunk, and they all still were  there sitting on my bunk, all talking at the same time, and many if not all of them were scratching their heads. My head was spinning, because I was powerless over the situation for the first time in my life. All I could think was, a drink would be very welcome now, to soothe this pain!”

There  were some ugly faces and there were some sweet faces, and faces  with cuts through their cheeks, some women with one eye,  some limping, some had their arm in a cast– but they all had lice in their hair! Oh God!  No!  I have  long hair, it  was in a ponytail, I thought,  I  must roll my hair around my head,  to not get these  lice or hair mites!

The hours went by miserably, slowly, and very disgusting, but I will not go into that at this point, everything I seen in their,  I will leave it for my book…

About noon the American Consul arrived, but he did not even speak to me. They just went straight to some office, with several people, and I could barely see them through the iron gate. In  about 15 minutes or so, no more, they left without me. Why? I was about to cry or scream or do something crazy, when the head jailer came in with two others and opened the gate and said “Follow me, Ludmila Millman.” That was my last name from my marriage to Jack.  Oh God, what now? I could not believe hearing my own name. So now I am out? (wishful thinking!). There was a police car and a black van, and the Jefe said “Get in!”

My dear God,  what’s now?

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From Aeropuerto de Maracaibo

Posted in Love, Modelling, Narcotics, Personal life, Social life on October 16, 2013| 1 Comment »

We were sitting there in that scary immigration office at the border of Venezuela and Colombia!  Finally, after many hours of interrogation, we convinced them that

we were just having fun cruising around the world.

Went to The horse Track, had fun wonn some money

Went to The horse Track, had fun wonn some money

Using all my charm (and showing them my phone book), I persuaded them that I only needed to call to the Herrera or the Boulton families, or to my political friend Rafael with a penthouse in Maracaibo.  Having so many influential friends, including my brother Anatoly who levies on Canaima, I really did not know who to call!  it this horrible moments so I called on Jack’ my x, , and had Jack call other friends I had introduced him too,  at the Onda Nueva  International Music Festival.

Finally,  after all the information I gave them , they realized that I was a Venezuelan citizen and resident and preity known celebrity their from all he shows etc., and that my friend with me just my lover, a harmless young American.

At that time, money was pouring from the U.S. to Venezuela, through the companies that Marcos Pérez Jiménez (General ) had set up in deals many years before, and which were still in  business. So in other words we needed a friend to come driving to the border to pick us up and vouch that I was who I said I was, and that Tad was ok.

This is were we are flying to Anatoly Island, from Maracaibo

This is were we are flying to Anatoly Island, from Maracaibo

Boy oh boy, I was not a happy customer while we were in that hole full of rats in this unbearable heat! Being all my youth have my away, So I was drinking whatever I could find there! I found a little bodega, a hole with a piece of wood or old door for a counter, some fruits and veggies and some rum.  And  there, in this dusty place, stood one single bottle of  “El Cacique King of Venezuela” rum, which I spotted immediately, remembering my wild social life in Caracas where that expensive rum flowed like water at the tables of the nuevo rich people. But it cost more than we wanted to pay, we had no money to spare because hadn’t achieved our destiny, not yet!

So I found a very inexpensive rum and Tad bought a bottle of wine to give to our friends when they arrived, as a gift. Well, I was oblivious by the time they arrived, while all the kissing hugging and introducing went on. I just said, “:Lets get out of here, we’ll talk in the van on our way to Maracaibo” So it was goodbye, adios and gracias, lets go. Finally we were on the other side of the border, so far so good.  I was so happy and drunk I started singing!

Anyway, Rafael had come with his girlfriend and another lady that seemed to be an official, maybe an immigration secretary, and she was the one that signed for us and did all the paperwork at the border, before we could cruise on down the road.

I slept– thru  the ride too Maracaibo,  well, to be honest I passed out, and woke up when I heard Tad say ” did we arrived is this your  home?”  “Yes!”“three voice sounded off.

I can tell you that the heat of Maracaibo is uniquely hot !  I had been there many times with William,  and then with Tony Aguilar on a tour with him singing and me promoting the Kent cigarettes that paid for the tour. We spent a few crazy days there at this  condo of Rafael. We had fun; they were smoking marijuana everywhere we went,  and I was snorting cocaine and drinking as much as I could. I am not so proud of the time we spent there, I was promiscuous and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

The time came to say goodbye and so we went off to the aeropuerto of Maracaibo. When we arrived there, we still had a few minutes to spare before  boarding;Tad had a joint of marijuana he wanted to smoke before going on the plane. So we went out and sat  in a semi-private area outside; I had been collecting some pot  seeds as a hobby, and putting them in a silver little box that William gave me for cocaine. I was going to plant them  somewhere? Sounds good: why not on the island, or better yet! at my home  in Los Angeles in my own garden !

Then we  heard the flight being announced , so Tad quickly put out the roach. Not wanting to waste it, I told him not to throw it away and put it,  at was just barely a third of a joint, in my safari pants  which had  many pockets,  (in a different pocket from my little silver box).

Walking to our line to board the flight, Tad went in front and passed me. It was my turn, and as I stepped up, this fantastic officer female, with a lesbian smile that seemed much too nice to me, started frisking me– she was touching me a little more than necessary ,I thought to myself! Then, when she touched the pocket with the little box ,it must have

been her curiosity, she stopped and touched it again almost like grabbing my calf muscle! I remembered what was in it, and blurted out, “Oh shit!”

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Columbia border with Venezuela 1

Posted in Alcoholism, Family, Love, Narcotics, Personal life, Social life, Uncategorized on September 24, 2013| Leave a Comment »

A few minutes down the little trail, there was no one around us, but their was this big tree for a tropical jungle that is, down on the ground, so I said “Let’s have a drink”  “From where?,” said Tad, “there’s nothing here not tiendas.”  Will I said it happened that I have a bottle of rum and some cookies. So we sat on a limb of of this dead tree near the entrance of a small river, where there were many places for little boats to get in and unload their merchandise. We were too tired and hungry to be concerned about anything but getting to Medellin for a hotel, rest and relaxation, after all this ordeal.

The sun was up  and getting warmer, the tropical  humidity will be very high on this shores now .

But we  still had to walk and walk looking at this unknown land, when  finally  we saw a real road! Heyy look it this, we are getting  close!  Then we walk too what now became a highway with cars going  and coming, so we hitched a ride too Medellin. What a beautiful city!  We went to the first hotel that seemed okay, even if it was not any class, and we took a room; at this point  we did not care .

After sleeping and resting for a few hours and getting ready to see the city and exchange some money, Tad asked me, where first? I said the Bank I think, so we went to the Bank to change money.

There was music everywhere playing in the early  afternoon, with people dancing on the streets, and it seemed that happiness prevail everywhere.

Which bank I don’t remember, but the exchange rate was not so good as we expected. So we went outside to see if any of the guys by by the door,  who were approaching the people that enters the Bank, to see if maybe they  would have a  better  exchange,  and they did.we proset to exchange the dollars Tad head too change .

Border Colombia and Venezuela waiting for Help S.O.S. .from

Border Colombia and Venezuela waiting for Help S.O.S. .from

Tad counted the money  that the guy  gave him too caunt the exchange moneys, then I counted the money giving back too Tad he counted it again and then the Columbia gay took the money from Tad and counted it again in front of us,  then gave us the change money back correct , yes correct, and we went satisfied with the exchange of the money, happy,  to the hotel to pay our bill.. .

But when we sat down and counted the money again,  surprise, what? Tad with a loud voice what?….. The whole amount  was half what it was supposed to be! we counted it once, twice, a  third and fourth time. No, no,  no good!,  We have been fucked.

All of this  contributed to my university, now I know people call some fantastic people,  saying that they went to the university of life. Many famous millionaires and other amazing people were educated that way, but I had  the heart of a gentle gazelle, which was soon turning  into  a Cossack Warrior , awakening that nomad in me, including the drinking part..

Well,  we had certainly been taken by these Colombian con- men, for all that money, which did not stop Tad  from taking us out to dance and see a little of the nightlife in Medellin .

Oil in Maracaibo, Venezuela

Oil in Maracaibo, Venezuela

We stayed in Medellin for a couple of days, and on the third day we ventured off to continued our journey to Venezuela then reached the route  to Maracaibo.

We went through an incredibly beautiful jungle, with houses along the route, little huts of vendors of tropical fruit and the smell of  mangos, bananas , ananas or Pineapples like delightful flowers well, it is a flower, like a tomato is a fruit.

We spent another couple of days enjoying the Colombian countryside from Medellin to the border with Venezuela, and from Maracaibo we were to fly to Canaima. Maracaibo is located in the Lago de Maracaibo, Edo. Zulia, Venezuela, which is the largest lake in all of Venezuela and one of largest places for oil extraction. The temperature is over 100 degrees F. every day and only a little cooler at night.

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Good by to Puerto Vallarta, starting the adventure with Tad Gale, on to an incredible journey!

Posted in Alcoholism, Family, Love, Modelling, Narcotics, Personal life, Social life, Uncategorized on August 19, 2013| Leave a Comment »

During the great fish dinner, which was just enough for everybody, and as a matter of fact very well done by the chef of the Hotel, (I don’t remember the name). The food, wine and conversation went on, while Tad  was just staring at me across the table and  couldn’t take his eyes of me. So my partner was not feeling that great, so he pay the bill or sign for it, and retired to the room, not feeling good it all. So,  some of us proceeded to go out and sit by the tables outside, where many a time Liz Taylor and Richard Burton would sit to drink.

Ludmila in Bora Bora with Jack

Ludmila in Bora Bora with Jack

   Some people went to discos or to another bar by the sea,  but we sat there just talking and holding hands. He said come with me hitchhiking through Central America down to  Venezuela!  We’ll see your brother in the jungle and then I will be on my way to the corrida de toros in Pamplona, since I promised my friends I would be there this year. Then we’ll see each other when I am back in L.A or  if you want to come  with me to Spain….. Boy o boy I was not aware how far into the alcohol I was? Of course anything seems possible any time under  Mr. Buzz..

It was not easy to say goodbye to my future  partner , of course not any  more business or anything else, as of the moment I told him I was going to Central America and to Venezuela to see my brother, he knew better by then, what was going on?  Lets call him Mr X . With him I had a  horrible situation; he almost did not want to give me back my passport, since he paid the hotel and flight and meals. I did not explain nada to him except that I was not coming back to L. A with him, that I am coming to Yelapa, so I left him there, with no remorse.

Cuernavaca whit friends and Tad

Cuernavaca whit friends and Tad

Tad and I went on our merry go round into the  next town by the beach on the other side of Puerto Vallarta, Yelapa, In those years  there were no roads or any way to go to this place, except by horse or mule or by boat. That was how the provisions arrived there, all the  food and water; as we approached the place we saw its indescribable beauty, so unique,  mountains going high and all over them green jungle surrounding like a coat, and cliffs dropping  to the sea.  There were no beaches except where we were arriebe in the boat, we walked up and up the little dirt road full of  palms trees and jungle shrubs,when we got out of the boat.  I remember that Octavio, my Chilean friend, had a wife living there with her new husband, she was there and invited us to her  gorgeous tall and spacious Palapa. There was an incredible  boutique of very fine things that the rich tourist   went crazy for!.   Tad met Ruth and she welcomed us, then offered us a drink — well, not any drink but one especially made for her by the indians in the mountain tops, real Mezcal that  was so smooth and delicious that I ask for refill of course, and a second and a third one. Tad he was O.K. with one drink but not me!

We found a cabana in the rocky area almost touching  the water so it was possible to get in the water carefully, we stayed there for three nights and it was fun. I drank all the time, he read all the time, and it seemed the romance was progressing because we did not argue or step on each other toes.  In the center of this mini pueblo there was an open bar and once in awhile they had movies. One particular night they had one, and what a surprise  I could not  believe here in God’s place they were playing “ Kaliman”   In this Mexican film  was my friend of the parties in Hollywood and Mexico City  Jeff Cooper!

Ludmila whit a German Von Boron in Cuernavaca

Ludmila whit a German Von Boron in Cuernavaca

Staying there I remembered Bora Bora with my ex husband  Jack, where we had a different time, cocaine and making love everywhere on the water, on the long solitary beaches and even in the golf cart! That was a little different from this intellectual romantic  trip with Tad, but…

From there we went on to Cuernavaca,  where I invited us to the house of Maria, my German friend. Her father was a well known archaeologist. She had a very romantic house, with beautiful landscaping, flowering gardens and trees everywhere, this was in  Tepoztlan  just few minutes outside of Cuernavaca…

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“The Accident: La Negra; Lake Atitlan”

Posted in Alcoholism, Family, Love, Narcotics, Personal life on April 26, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Jose mention yesterday that if I like we go two see Guatemala everywhere, but we had two weight for my ring,  which we recovered  the next day. Jose went out  that evening , but I stayed home and  his old aunt that never been married, came to my room with a liquor bottle! Of course she said, “I  keep this for medicinal reasons”‘

I was so happy that I did not have to go out to hunt down some liquor store, let alone to get something to drink.  I couldn’t stand being without alcohol, especially being under so much stress. So I definitely wanted a drink or two… or more. Jajajajajaja!

" Back home in L.A. had to walk whit a cane for a long time."

” Back home in L.A. had to walk whit a cane for a long time.”

Next morning after breakfast, we were not talking at the table– no one cared to ask me anything. So I packed a few things and we took off on the big Kawasaki Ltd 1000 motorcycle that I bought for him. We went to the beautiful countryside en route to Lake Atitlan, stopping by the river and at the homes of some of  Jose’s friends. As we rode through the indescribable beauty of rural Guatemala, there were flowers everywhere, pine trees, rivers with little waterfalls and the smell of smoke from the wood fires in the valleys and hills. Then suddenly, we slid and tumbled over, and I found myself underneath this big motorcycle the motor were still running hot it was very hot..

Jose was screaming “Stay still, don’t move,” while trying to lift the bike, but of course he couldn’t and I couldn’t move at all! Finally some people came passing by in cars and one of them stopped to help him lift the big motorcycle off of me. It seemed to take forever, with me lying under the burning hot motor, the bike crushing down on my whole left leg.  I can’t remember much, but later they said they took us immediately to the nearby clinic in the village of San Lucas Toliman to see if any doctor was available.

Well the only thing I know was that I was in  so much pain, now  numbed not only by alcohol  and  with the the drugs to,  laying in bed in the house of La Negra Maldonado, her family hacienda with a coffee plantation. That  delicious smell  was my  companion as I was  healing….

Dancing whit William in Caracas to " It Was Fascination I know"

Dancing whit William in Caracas to ” It Was Fascination I know”

Jose was in the next room, laughing and smoking pot, and many other  people  were there, I barely could move, but slowly I was helped up to  the living room, where not one was interested in my problems. They were so high including Jose who was busy making eyes at La Negra,  and the gays were making passes at him. Wow what a group of weirdos! But there was one guy that looked half elegant with a little class ,and he had a big new van like a Jeep  and was proposing something.  I felt like I didn’t belong there with the gays and dropout drug users and la Negra  making passes at Jose– this was not exactly a happy situation for me!

Well as always , I  made the best of the worst.!   I  heard this one guy saying something about the beach and my ears perked up: The beach, yes!  I need to get out of this cold house in the mountains where we are. So when one of the boys said, Lets go to the beach!”  I was all for it. The pain was still bad, and although nothing was broken my whole leg was swollen up like a big  balloon. Some of the muscles were torn and muscle trauma had appeared, enough to make me scream with pain. So everybody was giving me pills and of course la Negra give me more stuff and aguardiente, wow wow weeeeee!

.We took off to the beach; all the way there I wanted to drink  more aguardiente until I reached oblivion. for me not two remember the countryside, which was totally different than the one we drove from,  it was hot, tropical, with a smell of iron from the sea,  the beach air was so inviting warm and nice! I don’t remember too much the scenery as we arrived ,  Jose with the three other guys went into this fantastic looking hotel which I supposed was to  get or see a room for us, and I just sit by a fishing boat and wait!!!!!

Next thing I knew,  I awoke with a cut on my forehead, inside the same boat , I remember sitting there, now I am inside of it, alone  with no one there.        Shortly Jose arrived and said something to his friends,  Look  she’s  hurt , blood in her forehead,  I thought to myself  that meant he left me alone and was with his male lovers in this luxurious hotel , which  I didn’t even seen inside, so I just wanted to go back to beautiful Atitlan.

 I did not speak to him the whole way back, until we arrived 2 or 3 hrs. later. Of course no one cared to even talk with or to  Jose, they all seemed tired. If he head?  had any dignity or concern for me?, he hid it from me, but probably not from himself.

I was in no shape to argue or judge anyone. I justed wanted to be free from the pain and to be able to walk again. so I went into the house with this mayan servants helping me carried me at this a graceful, lovely small hacienda-type pueblo ranch home of the Maldonado family, on the middle of San Lucas Toliman in Atitlan, were The Indian women their, and most of the interior of Guatemala still dressed traditionally, carried their babies on their backs, and did not dare look into anyone’s eyes. We couldn’t take pictures of them because they believed we’d steal their souls, and it we’ll be captured inside  the camera .

Arriving it this hacienda ranch I realize this was  her home then,  where she was waiting our coming back anxiously  she greeted me with  a present, just  for me,? some kind of coins and bets, (probably witchcraft– who knows?  They carried me on into the bed,  they were smokin weed all the time and she was  always high in pot or something else. She was obviously enchanted with Jose. He was tall, blond, slim and always very charming.

The servant handed me a cane,  so I could get to the bathroom or go to sit up for a moment,  which was almost impossible, I had to lie down almost all the time, even inside the cars, (which the only time  was in  our last trip to Lake Elizabeth that was the name of the beach we were at,  It was impossible to sit comfortably, being so painful I could scream, so I lay in bed almost all the time. The local doctor said not to walk for a couple of days.

In the meantime, Jose and his friends went to parties and picnics, and as it turned out, the romance between Jose and La Negra had already started.

Incredibly, in this part of the world, to hear that music on the radio!  “It was “Fascination I know”! My goodness, tears were rolling down my cheeks, with my eyes closed and even now remember dancing to that melody so many times with William, to that some music!  It was so vivid, one of our favorite songs. The last time I spoke to him was in Sausalito (near San Francisco) in the  “No Name Bar,” still where he said he loved me… but that was last time we spoke in person two person and kiss and love each other,  at that time  felt so long ago .  I guess it must have been ?   before he moved to Hawaii and become a rich, successful men,Ice cream and coffee merchant, o crepes two go on Sausalito.

So you see, the wind carries all our promises away,  on the lips of cocaine and alcohol.  Any promise seems real, whether to the one who lies or the one who wants to believe them. sure,  we would believe  everything, I did for many years 10 o so,  all promise “ el aire se las llevo” almost anything to get what or who we want, if it feels good and looks great at that moment, when we are high…

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