The Ludmila Confessions

Ludmila is an astonishing and utterly original woman who has led a life of wild extremes, from her childhood escape from World War II Russia by Cossack wagon train, to her overnight emergence as a …

Source: About Ludmila

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 In 2013, I came to Manhattan trying to find a literary agent for my book Dreams on a Swing.. I had been there many times, as far back as 1956, but there is always something new to see.

 

Now, New York is a really big city, and loved by many of us as the place to make our dreams come true.

One very long afternoon, I was tired after asking in many offices and stores—to no avail–  if I could speak to even one agent or publisher. I found that things had changed in the book business. They even told me I needed a personal recommendation just to make an appointment with an agent!

 

So I was frustrated, exhausted, but still happy about my visit and eager to see the New York sites I had not seen  before.  One of these “must-see” spots is Trump Tower , they said! Well, I thought, that’s a good idea, I’ll just rest up, have an espresso, and organize my next day’s schedule around a comfortable place. And Trump Tower has a big, sumptuous lobby with a majestic stairway to heaven rising up from the ground floor.

With one hand holding my cup of espresso and my coat and portfolio in the other, I must have looked a little like Lucille Ball on the old TV show– very disheveled and disoriented! Then a very tall man came over to my rescue, pulling up a chair for me and taking my coat to help me sit down. I recognized him, of course, but did not even have time to grab him adn beg him, “Help me find an agent!” 

 

I was too late. He departed quickly, saying goodbye with that big smile so typical of Mr. Trump—today, President Donald Trump.  Obviously there were many people waiting to see him, and he was a very busy man!  But all I could think at the time was, “Damn! Why didn’t I speak to him when I had the chance!”

It was a day I will remember for the rest of my life.

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When I finally  left  my sister’s house, after being there for few weeks,  we went to sign the escrow documents, the Deed to Casa Chica.  My sister insisted  on putting in the name of her daughter; I think as her next of kin, since she was not there and had no money invested in the property. We very happily went to “Casa Chica” to take possession! Mama was with me, and we say goodbye to the old owners, a lovely Italian couple but very old.  They had enough of the beach and work on the house, which I did not mind at that time. I was just happy to be there, in a new world, on the waterfront! It was my dream come true.

The days went great, cleaning the cottages was not so bad after all. When I finished  I would jump in the warm wonderful water of the Gulf of Mexico to rest , the only thing that was a drag was the phone would ring just as I was in the water. I remember it was the old fashioned phone where you dial by sticking your finger on each number. I had the bell ringing outside so I could hear it on the water, but not being superman or  superwoman I could never get to it on time, they inevitably  would hang up with the idea that no one is there; this was  bad for business,  Galina comes on week ends with her family and friends, then gives me hell for not answering the phone;  where were you she asks?, They don’t want to hear any excuses, si they go back to Davis island which by now they move from the greenhouse to a mansion on the waterfront, with a pool, 2 stories high. They were putting a damn elevator from the kitchen up the bedroom up stairs, wow, I thought, this is great.

In the meantime I lived in a closet with linen lined up wall to wall and washing machines, driers, and no  shower, (looking back I see they took me for dummy; because of my trusting hear, but what else could I do?  I was a fool–they took me for what I was; a happy go lucky party drunk, a softy who had no idea of business. But in the process I was getting hurt and hurting others, something was wrong with me, but being a happy person I never stopped to think “what’s going to happen next?” I did not want to get in a fight with Gala; she would not accept any suggestions or spend any money in fixing my room, after buying all these houses she was cash poor and rich in properties. So I just lived my life day by day, that’s all; finally we agreed on putting in an answering service, because the clients needed a personal voice to answer.

She was in control of all my coming and going. The one day when I had to account for the money receipts, she stayed in the cottages, and I went to the Bank to deposit the money, My Johnny the Biker, the one I was waiting for to appear at the door of Casa Chica Cottages,  wanted to surprise me with  presents, and flowers. But  I wouldn’t find out for a long time after, months later, when one day everybody was here in C.C.C. in a week and I asked Gala “By any chance, when you are  here answering  the phone, did a handsome gentleman  call or stop by?  A guy by the name of Johnny? “Do you meant the gypsy on a motorcycle?” ,”Yes, did he leave me a message ?” As we were sitting outside drinking martinis, then switching to Pernod, she told me the whole story and of course the booze loosens anybody’s tongue! She told me, “I took the flowers and chocolates that he left home with me; he had another package but those ones he did not give me, and he took off rápido!” I can imagine my sister attitude! It was needless to ask her, “what was in the note?” I am sure he left one, but now I will never know? All the way as I ran to the water, I could hear her screaming “Remember you’re running for mayor of Indian Rocks Beach! How will it look to the voters, a biker living with you?

God how opinionated is this world! as I swim I still hear her screaming ”He’s just a gypsy!”

I know that he is proud and educated, and most been hurt by my sister’s cold reception, and I’ll never see him or hear from him again! sob sob sob!  Dear God he drove his Harley from Calif. straight to me, and my sister told him that I moved to Miami, somewhere in Miami she did not know.

She knew that in Hollywood I used cocaine at parties with  alcohol. I would party with rock people and gypsies since Jack, my ex, was in the Music  business. So I knew lots of musicians; she thinks she is saving me from all this “bad environment”.  She did not mean any harm; she was just trying to run my life the correct way, her way, as she saw it.

Monday I have a appointment with the local F.B.I. I want to be an interpreter, there are not too many people that speak Spanish as we’ll as I do, and English, sée what we’ll happened? like the Idea too work for than.

Looking at the greet sunset with a drink in my hand in this warm waters off the gulf, then taking a shower outside, on this hot summer of 1981, but what be the water outside in winter?

Florida can be very cold, then where we’ll I shower?   Their we’ll  be no cottages available, since     all off them cottages are book.

I we’ll order  a bath tap so I proceed asking city Hall for a permit

One evening I was lonesome so after the meeting in City Hall, went too my  favorite friend and owner of this Jhnn’s Bar in the waterfront,  bring you owned bottle bar, the other site off C.C.C. on  a canal for boats to pass to the open waters off the Gulf, very close by, few block 3 or 4 , where I meet Gary, bring your own bottle bar, also where you can buy tackle for fishing, this place weird broken boats lying around with neets hangin on the bar, ( small bar)  your were lucky to get a stool at the bar, it had a great atmosfere, off local, and pilots, al cain of  interesting different people locals mix  with beach people and fisherman.

The snowbirds don’t go too my bar at night, only in the day time to buy  fishing equipment, ice, sodas , water etc.

So I put a jacuzzi next to a Bay window  in the middle of the laundry storage bodega room bedroom, all on one, that not only gave me light but a open space overlooking the little garden outside the back off the cottage,  that  is way, I need a permit, especially since I am running too  public office, which my sister, and Ken insisted ,  we can benefit from that, so I was the puppet, and believe or not I only lost by very few 3 or so votes.

Gerry Brumer move with mi, it was pleasant until I realise he was a real alcoholic, peeing in bed, just one off he thinks, thank God I never did, and don’t want to get that drunk, I am I control drinker so I believe,

Then he took my little car, which  move  me to Fl., and left a note, he is flying back to Houston, left the car in such and such floor off the airport  the keys under the matt.

Well,  well, I will show him, that, so and so,not play whit me? I show him not too play with me , so

I we’ll find him, went to the airport found the car and then went back to C.C.C. drink some more, of course to settle my nerves, how can can aibing and gruel can be the friend the buzz Mr. alcohol and proceeded to call the airport to say their is a bomb, that someone left there who is going to Houston, and hang up, jajaja I was happy to fuck him, there, I show you, we’ll, never thinking off the consequences, of this act? They can trace the call (never thought of that)  by the way his note said gooby, so nothing happened now, I can devote more time to start inviting people for charcoal hamburger and hot dogs and beer by the beach to  campaigning  more heavier….

Monday morning, I have a appointment with the local F.B.I.! I want to be an interpreter, there are not too many people that speak Spanish as well as I do, and English, let’s see what will happen? I like the idea of working for them!

Looking at the great sunset with a drink in my hand in the warm waters of the gulf, then taking a shower outside, on this hot summer of 1981– but what will the water be like in the winter?

Florida can be very cold, then where will I shower?   There will  be no cottages available, since all off the cottages are booked for the winter. I think “I’ll order  a bathtub!,”  so I proceed to ask City Hall for a permit.

One evening I was feeling lonesome, so after the meeting at City Hall, I went to my favorite friend’s, the owner of this John’s Bar on the waterfront. It was a BYOB (bring your own bottle) bar, on the other site off C.C.C. on a canal for boats to pass to the open waters off the Gulf, very close by. It was onlya few blocks, maybe 3 or 4, where I met Gary at the bar, the kind of place where you can buy tackle and bait for fishing. This place had weird broken boats lying around with nets hanging on the wall and ceiling, a small bar where you were lucky to find an empty stool; but it had great atmosphere, sailor and pilots, all kind of  interesting people, the locals mixed with beach people and fishermen. The snowbirds don’t go to my bar at night, only in the day to buy fishing equipment, ice, sodas, water and so on.

I got my permit, so I put a Jacuzzi next to a Bay window  in the middle of the laundry storage; it had a bodega bedroom, all in one, that not only gave me light but a open space overlooking the little garden outside the back off the cottage. That  was why I needed a permit, especially since I was running for  public office, which my sister and her husband Ken insisted on!  She thought we could all benefit from my being mayor, so I was the puppet, and believe or not I only lost by very few votes, three or so.!

Gary Brumer moved in with me. It seemed pleasant at first, until I realized he was a real alcoholic, peeing in bed, just one off he thinks, thank God I never did, and I don’t want to get that drunk– I am I a control drinker, or so I believe. Then he took off in my little car, which carried  me to Florida, and left a note saying he was flying back to Houston, and left the car in such and such a floor off the airport with  the keys under the mat.

Well, well, I will show him, that so and so, not to play with me! I decided I would find him, and went to the airport, found the car and then went back to C.C.C. to drink some more, (of course to settle my nerves!), how cruel can be the friend,the buzz Mr. Alcohol. I proceeded to call the airport to say there was a bomb, that someone left there who is going to Houston, and hang up! Jajaja! I was happy to fuck with him, there, I’ll show you!

As usual, I was never thinking of the serious consequences of this act. The police can trace the call (never thought of that!) by the way his note said goodbye so nothing happened. Now I can devote more time to fun, start inviting people for charcoal hamburgers and hot dogs and beer by the beach, and to campaigning for mayor…

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Mama Palina Vasilivna in the Alamo she did not the story of the Greet Battle between Mexico and U.S.A. and David Groker and other bribe man for “The Alamo”Alamo.

After miles and miles of driving, with a drink in my hand the whole time, my dear loving mother never said a word, except to ask me “are you tired?” “No my dearest mamochka, but we’ll stop at the next motel on the way to rest one more night, before getting  to Tampa”  What she did not know was  that I could not  see any more from so many beers (and other things). Yes, I thought, good, we’ll stop one more night before getting to my sister’s house…

What have I been thinking? making this move so final, the only  life I knew was Hollywood, my only secure place where I knew everyone was Hollywood, where I still have friends, lovers, even ex-husbands I’m leaving all this for a unknown dream? but it seems that is the pattern of my life.

Going to the Gulf of México where I we’ll live just meters from the beach, with the warm water of the gulf , in my own motel, individual cabanas, it sounds great, but venturing in the unknown? Don’t think; just have another drink,and keep driving, we’re almost there. Yes, I guess I am just a gypsy at heart, a nomad, a traveler and worrier in this world.

Mama before we left whit Sydney, ho was the best dress maker in sparkles dresses to E. Kit and many others big stars.

Memories are piling up, I just need to distract myself from reality.  I hope Johnny will be soon with me, there by the beach and also Billy  promised to come and help, but I prefer and wish Johnny comes too see me first. My best lover yet, who I met at a party of the Rock and Roll groups that live in Laurel Canyon where I hand many friend’s. He’s a handsome biker– a motorcycle rider, big and :strong– in 3 words  a man’s man. I like him a lot! He drinks  Dom Perignon straight from the bottle! At first it shocked me, how rude, no manners! but then in a way it was so different from the stiff-necked celebrities and other men in my life. I liked it, in a way it was cool (as everybody says) that he is  just free and crazy, why not?  Not the way I was accustomed to, though; he is so different and sexy, his individual personality shows, hes was unique and exciting and that amused me, made me feel crazy; maybe I liked him too much! He was so different from other lovers I had had,  he is exciting, witty, a good sense of humor, romantic, intelligent, gentle but strong and new I hope he does come soon to Florida.  I still feel that night I met him, we left the party and went riding on his black and silver Harley, a bottle  of Dom Perignon in my left hand and the other hand embracing his big warm chest. The wind was caressing my nostrils with the smell of his masculine smell, I lay my face near his neck so I could feel his warmth and his smell, sitting behind him, was embraguetink  me or was it the champagne?

We rode his bike till it was almost 4 am; soon the sun would be up.  I don’t know how (and never understood) why the police cars did not stop us or arrest us?

Driving all around the hills of Hollywood and into the Pacific Palisades to see the sun rise, how beautiful, romantic, kissing in the sand and caressing each other’s body, it was amazingly fabulous,  drinking  his bottle of Dom Perignon. We each had a full bottle when we left the party, drinking that while watching the sunrise and making promises to get together in Florida since I way leaving the following day. I think he was  seriously in love with me, and I think I was too!  But I could not be sure if was just a physical attraction, sexual and curious and romantic, or all of them or real love; the butterflies in my stomach where there! They were real. Those wonderful hours. the moments I spent with him, were all so fabulous; in moments like this  where his strong body was  up against mine, his embrace was so powerfully loving, smelling the aroma of his masculine  bodily– it was so sexy magic.!

Daud saying goodbye…

He promises he will come to Florida as soon as he can, and maybe even stay in Florida. We’ll see then how we feel about each other; a good reasonable decision for a man, I like that. I sure hope he comes, but in the meantime I had this silly thing with this young man Billy, the son of Joy the now girlfriend of my ex-.husband Jack. Billy suffered from bipolar syndrome, like his mother . He well followed me to Florida soon. Maybe he can help me with the chores at the hotel? .

We awoke in our last night , in a lovely room in a hotel in Tarpon Springs, a totally Greek village. Later we discovered a Greek Orthodox Church there,  where we were to spend Easter, and Epiphany: this is the throwing of the cross in the water, and one of their brave young men would bring it out. A lovely little town, very ethnic, I loved it and so did mama.  We didn’t know then, but it would be one of our favorite places for Sundays.

We decided to get same coffee, Greek baklava and hit the road. We were almost home after a long trip across the country, that we thoroughly enjoyed, especially mama.

Tampa! Here we are,  but how do we get to Davis Island? We had no map of Tampa, so asking is the only way to get to it. Davis Island is on the water, and it looks like it’s in the middle of Tampa, but we don’t know how to get to it.  Round and round I went, down the ramps in,and back up the ramps. Finally a lovely young couple told us to follow them, and left us right in front of my sister’s front door! And she happened to be outside waiting for us……………but that is for the next episode.

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My life continued to be one big party , except I was spending more money than was coming in.  I started holding garage sales, one after another, selling  everything and anything. One afternoon, to my surprise, Tad’s father came by, just to buy same books.  What a small world! He was a bohemian man in his 50s, very rundown physically, small and older looking than I would picture him. In short, a hippie,  married to a  pretty hippie lady,  his new partner in life at least I assumed they were lovers, At that time of the flower children, few of those couples who  participated were married.

Karen Black big hollywood star, my niece and I.

I remember those incredible concerts in the open air, on the grass in parks or big fields. There was free love, pot, LSD  and every other drug available in that time, the whole world was upside down. I tried  some of those drugs too!

Now that I remember his parents, I understood Tad– his intellectual thirst for writing, the high class came from his elegant mother, who was very intellectual and will educated, though I hadn’t met her. I  only saw her in photos–  she looked like a classy lady. Today I regret never meeting her, of course I know that was not what  she wanted for her soon,  not only because of the age difference between uis (which was enormous), but my  life in show business which was then still an important part of my life…

Ludmila he said my name like making sure I was me of whom his son wrote about ?, and then after hellos in proper handshake introducing yourself,  we set and start taking, he proceed telling me, in a very mysterious voice,  this news, that made me shiver and made my heart accelerate, Tad is arriving soon by train, I think you would like to pick him up? he well call you to tell you the time, is it o.k?,,,,,Yes of course, Thanks, and proceeded selling him some books very reasonable and giving him one or 2 …..

My God it has been so long, since we seen each other,  since  I went street to Jail in Maracaibo, from airport, in intending to embark in the aircraft to  Maiquetia in Caracas, following our plans to proceed to Canaima to sée my brother Anatoly in the jungle of Angel Falls Canaima  and stay on his Island for few days before Tad would go to Pamplona to  run with  the bulls as he had planned, but all this was cut of by my imprisonment in Maracaibo,  the painful thing was that he left without even saying goodbye or a visit! nada,  which did not help my mood and feelings all those months in their, so now he appears,  It has been so long that I had almost  forgotten him, it was an affair to remember only, not too married, enjoy it , and then collect the experience and move on to the next affair, I loved but I don’t think I was in love really, I don’t known what would I do for real love? So I forgot the many men in my life,) of course the enormous difference in the age did no help, just like with Jose.

Grant Lasley my designer and decorator of my house Hollywood. and mi.

I was changing to another stage of my life,  growing more dependent on alcohol and not realising It. I lived a period of not having any dreams or goal just what I will do to entertain myself and have fun,  I was disillusioned and blaming the world , I was disillusioned in myself, not a good actress,  not a successful wife, not educated did not have any profession of any kind, the only thing I was good at was  being a high fashion Model and even that, now I was too old according to the new looks of Twigy the in model of those days, so I exchanged for a glass or better said bottles of buzz,  yes I was disillusion  on myself, it may  be  right to say, I lived at the bottom of emptiness,  looking for every minute of excitement to feel that empty space, many men around me wanted me, admired me, but, but they did not fill the emptiness or offer the love I was searching for..

It was exciting yes, to see Tad after so long; maybe it was more curiosity than excitement to sée him in my home, and wanting him to explain why he did not say goodbye, when I went to prison in Maracaibo, will he have the cojones to explain that now?, after all that love he professed so well in his letters to his grandfather, when we hitchhiked  through the world!  North , Central America and South  America; why did he leave without un adios? I needed to know why? what is it? woman’s  curiosity or that ego with an false pride.?

Now he shows up in my life like nothing happened. A couple years went by but so much has happened, life goes on and on,  my young love in the beach of Puerto Vallarta is going to be here and will I forgive all and forget the past… maybe?, when he embraced me and kissed me and took me in his arms? and told me how much he was sorry, but could do nada, then I will take him by the hand to my white bedroom and just lay my head in his shoulder, like that time in Cuernavaca.

What am I? an aristocrat, a Cossack, or just an ordinary peasant, I only know that my swing bought me hear, what’s now?

So I went to the station to pick up Tad, no  hello just silence, as I drove to my  little home we talked about nothingness, and we realized we had nothing now,  just memories of a beautiful affair in the beaches of Puerto Vallarta– and nothing more.  A young man’s experience with a mature lady and her infatuation with this young man, just a part of life experiences, so  this time we said goodbye, until who knows wen?

I wake up one morning with the phone ringing, my sister, well she is in paradise in Florida on Davis Island, Tampa, a very rich and beautiful area, asking me if I would like to live on the beach in front of the water of the gulf of Mexico.  This has been  my dream since we left the Island of Margarita, I love the water, the sound of the waves, the infiniteness of the horizon and the everlasting sky,  she is  offering for me to come and be  partners 50%/50% having our own Hotel Motel Cabanas, the actual name Casa Chica Cottages Indian Rocks, on the Gulf of Mexico! wohaeeee!  life on my own  beach, my dream come true, this is what  I needed, a chance now in my life, to do good and stop living like a gypsy, which I had lived like since I was a little  baby.

So now what to do?

I called mama and she said, it sounds good, you can sell your house and move there and be the owner of a motel on the beach, but you know it is going to be a lot of work?

That evening I met with Jack my X. and Joy, now was his wife, and her son Billy, We went to play backgammon in a private club, Billy flipped for me, and  I was  free, so o.k.!  I  like him, not love, but I will need some help!

So after no telling everybody goodbye, mama and I started packing, Billy agreed to meet us on FLorida there driving his car , and he  promised  to help, so we  will sée what else will happen,? maybe we’ll live together and have a couple of children? that would be nice I think.

I went next day too a real estate office, and in no time I sold my house, went and bought an new Renault van,  a 4 door car? with no cash they will get their money at escrow, on the sale of my property,  My property was located at the most desirable part of Los Angeles and next to the Paramount Studios, only few blocks away.

So mama help me to prepare my things, which ones will I take?  which to give away? and which to leave them to mother?

So  I  went to sign the papers I already have that  new car,  since yesterday the dealership approved my credit immediately and I drove  the car out of the show room! without a dollar deposit only my word about closing escrow on the next few days, so they will get cash out of the sale of my house.

With the Renault Van paid in full, I still had about 35,000 dollars in cash in my hands or in my pocket.  Time to roll!

.

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My life continued to be one big party , except I was spending more money than was coming in.  I started holding garage sales, one after another, selling  everything and anything. One afternoon, to my surprise, Tad’s father came by, just to buy same books.  What a small world! He was a bohemian man in his 50s, very rundown physically, small and older looking than I would picture him. In short, a hippie,  married to a  pretty hippie lady,  his new partner in life at least I assumed they were lovers, At that time of the flower children, few of those couples who  participated were married.

Karen Black big hollywood star, my niece and I.

I remember those incredible concerts in the open air, on the grass in parks or big fields. There was free love, pot, LSD  and every other drug available in that time, the whole world was upside down. I tried  some of those drugs too!

Now that I remember his parents, I understood Tad– his intellectual thirst for writing, the high class came from his elegant mother, who was very intellectual and will educated, though I hadn’t met her. I  only saw her in photos–  she looked like a classy lady. Today I regret never meeting her, of course I know that was not what  she wanted for her soon,  not only because of the age difference between uis (which was enormous), but my  life in show business which was then still an important part of my life…

Ludmila he said my name like making sure I was me of whom his son wrote about ?, and then after hellos in proper handshake introducing yourself,  we set and start taking, he proceed telling me, in a very mysterious voice,  this news, that made me shiver and made my heart accelerate, Tad is arriving soon by train, I think you would like to pick him up? he well call you to tell you the time, is it o.k?,,,,,Yes of course, Thanks, and proceeded selling him some books very reasonable and giving him one or 2 …..

My God it has been so long, since we seen each other,  since  I went street to Jail in Maracaibo, from airport, in intending to embark in the aircraft to  Maiquetia in Caracas, following our plans to proceed to Canaima to sée my brother Anatoly in the jungle of Angel Falls Canaima  and stay on his Island for few days before Tad would go to Pamplona to  run with  the bulls as he had planned, but all this was cut of by my imprisonment in Maracaibo,  the painful thing was that he left without even saying goodbye or a visit! nada,  which did not help my mood and feelings all those months in their, so now he appears,  It has been so long that I had almost  forgotten him, it was an affair to remember only, not too married, enjoy it , and then collect the experience and move on to the next affair, I loved but I don’t think I was in love really, I don’t known what would I do for real love? So I forgot the many men in my life,) of course the enormous difference in the age did no help, just like with Jose.

Grant Lasley my designer and decorator of my house Hollywood. and mi.

I was changing to another stage of my life,  growing more dependent on alcohol and not realising It. I lived a period of not having any dreams or goal just what I will do to entertain myself and have fun,  I was disillusioned and blaming the world , I was disillusioned in myself, not a good actress,  not a successful wife, not educated did not have any profession of any kind, the only thing I was good at was  being a high fashion Model and even that, now I was too old according to the new looks of Twigy the in model of those days, so I exchanged for a glass or better said bottles of buzz,  yes I was disillusion  on myself, it may  be  right to say, I lived at the bottom of emptiness,  looking for every minute of excitement to feel that empty space, many men around me wanted me, admired me, but, but they did not fill the emptiness or offer the love I was searching for..

It was exciting yes, to see Tad after so long; maybe it was more curiosity than excitement to sée him in my home, and wanting him to explain why he did not say goodbye, when I went to prison in Maracaibo, will he have the cojones to explain that now?, after all that love he professed so well in his letters to his grandfather, when we hitchhiked  through the world!  North , Central America and South  America; why did he leave without un adios? I needed to know why? what is it? woman’s  curiosity or that ego with an false pride.?

Now he shows up in my life like nothing happened. A couple years went by but so much has happened, life goes on and on,  my young love in the beach of Puerto Vallarta is going to be here and will I forgive all and forget the past… maybe?, when he embraced me and kissed me and took me in his arms? and told me how much he was sorry, but could do nada, then I will take him by the hand to my white bedroom and just lay my head in his shoulder, like that time in Cuernavaca.

What am I? an aristocrat, a Cossack, or just an ordinary peasant, I only know that my swing bought me hear, what’s now?

So I went to the station to pick up Tad, no  hello just silence, as I drove to my  little home we talked about nothingness, and we realized we had nothing now,  just memories of a beautiful affair in the beaches of Puerto Vallarta– and nothing more.  A young man’s experience with a mature lady and her infatuation with this young man, just a part of life experiences, so  this time we said goodbye, until who knows wen?

I wake up one morning with the phone ringing, my sister, well she is in paradise in Florida on Davis Island, Tampa, a very rich and beautiful area, asking me if I would like to live on the beach in front of the water of the gulf of Mexico.  This has been  my dream since we left the Island of Margarita, I love the water, the sound of the waves, the infiniteness of the horizon and the everlasting sky,  she is  offering for me to come and be  partners 50%/50% having our own Hotel Motel Cabanas, the actual name Casa Chica Cottages Indian Rocks, on the Gulf of Mexico! wohaeeee!  life on my own  beach, my dream come true, this is what  I needed, a chance now in my life, to do good and stop living like a gypsy, which I had lived like since I was a little  baby.

So now what to do?

I called mama and she said, it sounds good, you can sell your house and move there and be the owner of a motel on the beach, but you know it is going to be a lot of work?

That evening I met with Jack my X. and Joy, now was his wife, and her son Billy, We went to play backgammon in a private club, Billy flipped for me, and  I was  free, so o.k.!  I  like him, not love, but I will need some help!

So after no telling everybody goodbye, mama and I started packing, Billy agreed to meet us on FLorida there driving his car , and he  promised  to help, so we  will sée what else will happen,? maybe we’ll live together and have a couple of children? that would be nice I think.

I went next day too a real estate office, and in no time I sold my house, went and bought an new Renault van,  a 4 door car? with no cash they will get their money at escrow, on the sale of my property,  My property was located at the most desirable part of Los Angeles and next to the Paramount Studios, only few blocks away.

So mama help me to prepare my things, which ones will I take?  which to give away? and which to leave them to mother?

So  I  went to sign the papers I already have that  new car,  since yesterday the dealership approved my credit immediately and I drove  the car out of the show room! without a dollar deposit only my word about closing escrow on the next few days, so they will get cash out of the sale of my house.

With the Renault Van paid in full, I still had about 35,000 dollars in cash in my hands or in my pocket.  Time to roll!

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One day my sister called me out of the blue, asking if I could help her with her “garage sale.”  I asked her why–  and what are you  selling? She replies: “Everything– my house, my Mercedes Benz — everything! I’m moving to Florida to work with my ex boss, the famous beautician John, and my daughter is coming from Caracas too– depending on what happens with her romance with Carlos. So she may be moving to Florida if she doesn’t get married to this Mexican director or the president of Mexicana first. But Mexican men don’t divorce, especially when they have a high position and the wife has a big, powerful family and children!”

Working in a series For T.V.

Well, I guess that’s their business!

The next day we set up  a big garage sale. I went and put out signs for the sale everywhere , signs that I myself made, and I started selling things for her, next to  mama, who was there too. That day we sold everything and what was not sold Galina gave to us and her neighbors as gifts, She was so  happy  giving almost everything away just to get rid of it al. When we asked her how much she made, she answered: “Enough to buy another car and a home on the water in Florida!” But she kept her favorite antiques, furniture from famous people she got  when they divorced; being their manicurist she had some very expensive, beautiful furniture, from people like General Omar Bradley to Jayne Mansfield to Elvis Presley, and on and on!

Then we sat on her front lawn drinking champagne and eating red caviar with black bread, playing Churavly, a favorite song of all of us and many others, like Moscow Nights, very popular in those times. Russian music,  tragic but somehow happy and romantic too, and most of the time melancholic, and being very strong  Russian people when we drink we are happy or  sad we dance and sing the evening away and then go to dinner and after all, happily we went to sleep, me too at my home– the little castle full of greenery and flowers..

New York Night Club in the late 50 ts.my first love.

But sadness set in the next day: Galina was going away!  I was going to be all alone here, with more parties and more drinking. More nights showing up at my mamasita’s  doorstep drunk, with Mariachis, bringing her a serenade. That was  all I could do to show her my love and gratitude…

,

In those days you could take champagne to the airport and flowers for a farewell party for your friends and family, a real Bon Voyage. We had done this fiesta for many years since we first moved to North America.

Remember once Galina  flew with her daughter to Europe, and to Hawaii and Egypt with mama, I have pictures of her on a camel– at that time very few people traveled that why, it was expensive, the whole trip for the 3 of them.

David Carradine, mama and me giving him honors whit flowers in a Country and Western Jubely in the late 60`s

This time it was only across the American continent to Florida, but we still had that lovely bacchanal (sorry, the bacchanals were Daud’s parties,) this was just drunken parties, all with a beautiful excuse of farewell.

How far I had fallen from my early 30s, from fine dry champagne  and cognac VSOP, Napoleon, to just plain vodka or scotch, just booze. That was a long way down from elegant drinking to just boozing, even stealing the vodka or anything and once in a while a glass of good champagne just to remember how it tasted. In those days all the good liquor was not hidden behind lock and key, so it was easier to steal something good, then use some  cheap bottles to carry it away..

My sister had wonderful furniture, from all the famous people were her customers, her clients because she was one of the best manicurist/pedicurists at that time (early 60s). That was the Golden Hollywood era!  She actually invented the French nail manicure and extension, but did not patent it (ignorance is not always bliss!)  Her client’s gave things  to her when they got divorced or remodeled their homes– after all, they were their confidantes and friends and she made them beautiful for the world.

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And so I went out more, to discos, to gay bars and to private parties, and cocaine became more and more abundant at  every party. It became a must for me, of course with that goes more drinking (no water please)  and more alcohol for those that know or don’t know, when you use cocaine you can drink and drink and not get drunk . But I also started doing favors to my friends,  providing them cocaine for special occasions.

Hollywood during an interview smoking a pipe for real

Start doing favors too men friend and woman too provide for special occasions cocaine…

I knew where to get the cocaine , so some time buy it for them, which by the way became a  disaster, because I did not known when they cheat me?, or  the weight, the quality, the price, etc. and I get in trouble with friend’s, but in my sgrow up mine, I did not do nothing wrong,  everyone was getting pist at me and I did not see  why??? .

Lies became a way of life and to the point  That even when they were  not necessary  to lie,  I would still lie, for  any small petty  thing with no importance, got to the point that on parties I would steal the cocaine  by taking so much more than was necessary and then look for more and  look for where  their would be more jiden in the house

By now I was getting broke and did show it, less to my dear  mother, and she was wondering  what was going  with me? wy am I selling all this thinks, of course she never questions me any more because it seems like I had I good reason to do what I was doing, she just love me that’s all.

I start selling all my fantastic worderope from all those big designer I worked for (which I would love too have now) and very expensive books coleccion sense Venezuela that I log with mi wherever I went to live, the once adguard in New York a hull collection of the books of  Winston Churchill he  wrote,  when I went to New York for  modeling job..

May  job took me to a lot  different places.

I knew where to get the coke, so sometimes I would buy it for them, which by the way became a  disaster, because I did noknow when they would cheat me? or the weight, the quality, the price, and so on,  so I would get in trouble with friends. But in my screwed-up mind, I did do nothing wrong,  everyone was getting pissed at me and I did not see why!  Lies became a way of life to the point that even when it was not  necessary  to lie,  I would still lie, for  any small petty  thing with no importance. It got to the point that at parties I would steal the cocaine by taking so much more than was necessary, and then look for more and  look for where  their would be more jiden in the house

By now I was going broke and I did show it, at least to my dear  mother; she was wondering  what was going  on with me? Why am I selling all this things, of course she never questioned me any more, because it seemed like I had I good reason to do what I was doing– she just loved me that’s all.

I start selling all my fantastic wardrobe from all those big designers I worked for (which I would love too have now) and very expensive books, the collection that I lugged with me wherever I went to live– a wholel collection of the books of  Winston Churchill,  when I went to New York for  modeling job..

But  my living  became a big black hole of sadness, remembering my husband Jack crying for Jose, and regretting not having those children of Walter– by now he had children and grandchildren and a second wife– but this was my life now, alone. This life of course did not make me very happy, but I still had a beautiful little house and some friends left. Of course it got to the point where friends began to be fewer and fewer, so I  just took them out  of my directory book (before they did hahaha!) But who did I fool?

I don’t remember a whole lot of that time.  I did not want to do any more modeling, and did not do a good job in interviews or auditions for acting. I lost a big role because of my abusive drinking and drugging. I was not remembering the lines in a theatre play, where I went to learn to act.  Mr. Jeff Corey,  what a great actor, was my teacher and coach, but I just gave up and dedicated myself to drink,   parties and cocaine, and  more garage sales to get more money.I felt like I wanted to hide from other people, so consequently I did not want to be on the stage in a play, so that people would not see my real self.

Thank God the  house was almost fully paid off!

I was not working and doing lots of drinking and I had a houseboy to  pay, but somehow I managed. Except that finally I didn’t even have Fernando anymore–now my faithful servant disappeared forever!  Not before calling me at 3 am, saying, “Señora me agarro la migra, pero regreso pronto, (Señora the immigration pinched me),  don’t worry I  will be back in couple of days a week max!”

He never did come back  This boy came as a wetback, only 13 years old,  to California . It was not the first time he had been caught, now he was 19, so it was all “pan comido” as he would  say. (bread eaten)

I will  never  forget one special evening I invited my sister to go with me to Daud Aline’s Villa for a special party, it was Shabbat dinner with Baba and David his brother and the older brother and the rest of the family and he had a special guest from Baghdad of the royal family visiting him, of course there were belly dancers and arabic music, a very special three way party, and everyone was maintaining their own space and party, it was just weird; the other exotic/erotic party started a little later, with a porno movie running in the other side of the house. So this orgy went on, whoever  wanted to participate in it discreetly did know where and what room to go to; there were artists, movie stars , executives, producers and royalty, all kind of people and ages. I kept avoiding this one Arab Prince related to Daud, but he kept following me everywhere I went, and of course my sister left indignant at my behavior- it made her angry that I did not want anything to do with this Prince! She kept saying “You are crazy Luda !” ( she and mama called me that, when they were really angry with me).

The  highest and hottest people in Hollywood you could think of were all there. The mansion was on  a hill near Sunset Strip with the view of the most interesting part of the old Hollywood . Daud was Muslim so the  big dinner with Baba was a family celebration,a religious day and week end party together.

My bodyguard Fernando, my faithful servant, was supposed to not let me drink too much, but he  could not find me,  poor baby,  except when I wanted him to see me! I told him to follow me everywhere I went , but whenever he did he would say “no más señora” and take my glass! Then I would disappear and find another place to fill it up again in a another cup. As I remember this Prince now, he was not bad looking and very rich  , but I was on another planet with my own “prince”: the booze and drugs, drinking and being a fool– just crazy!

Halloween party in our big home in Northridge Jack and me

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