Why not

My life continued to be one big party , except I was spending more money than was coming in.  I started holding garage sales, one after another, selling  everything and anything. One afternoon, to my surprise, Tad’s father came by, just to buy same books.  What a small world! He was a bohemian man in his 50s, very rundown physically, small and older looking than I would picture him. In short, a hippie,  married to a  pretty hippie lady,  his new partner in life at least I assumed they were lovers, At that time of the flower children, few of those couples who  participated were married.

Karen Black big hollywood star, my niece and I.

Karen Black big hollywood star, my niece and I.

I remember those incredible concerts in the open air, on the grass in parks or big fields. There was free love, pot, LSD  and every other drug available in that time, the whole world was upside down. I tried  some of those drugs too!

Now that I remember his parents, I understood Tad– his intellectual thirst for writing, the high class came from his elegant mother, who was very intellectual and will educated, though I hadn’t met her. I  only saw her in photos–  she looked like a classy lady. Today I regret never meeting her, of course I know that was not what  she wanted for her soon,  not only because of the age difference between uis (which was enormous), but my  life in show business which was then still an important part of my life…

Ludmila he said my name like making sure I was me of whom his son wrote about ?, and then after hellos in proper handshake introducing yourself,  we set and start taking, he proceed telling me, in a very mysterious voice,  this news, that made me shiver and made my heart accelerate, Tad is arriving soon by train, I think you would like to pick him up? he well call you to tell you the time, is it o.k?,,,,,Yes of course, Thanks, and proceeded selling him some books very reasonable and giving him one or 2 …..

My God it has been so long, since we seen each other,  since  I went street to Jail in Maracaibo, from airport, in intending to embark in the aircraft to  Maiquetia in Caracas, following our plans to proceed to Canaima to sée my brother Anatoly in the jungle of Angel Falls Canaima  and stay on his Island for few days before Tad would go to Pamplona to  run with  the bulls as he had planned, but all this was cut of by my imprisonment in Maracaibo,  the painful thing was that he left without even saying goodbye or a visit! nada,  which did not help my mood and feelings all those months in their, so now he appears,  It has been so long that I had almost  forgotten him, it was an affair to remember only, not too married, enjoy it , and then collect the experience and move on to the next affair, I loved but I don’t think I was in love really, I don’t known what would I do for real love? So I forgot the many men in my life,) of course the enormous difference in the age did no help, just like with Jose.

Grant Lasley my designer and decorator of my house Hollywood. and mi.

Grant Lasley my designer and decorator of my house Hollywood. and mi.

I was changing to another stage of my life,  growing more dependent on alcohol and not realising It. I lived a period of not having any dreams or goal just what I will do to entertain myself and have fun,  I was disillusioned and blaming the world , I was disillusioned in myself, not a good actress,  not a successful wife, not educated did not have any profession of any kind, the only thing I was good at was  being a high fashion Model and even that, now I was too old according to the new looks of Twigy the in model of those days, so I exchanged for a glass or better said bottles of buzz,  yes I was disillusion  on myself, it may  be  right to say, I lived at the bottom of emptiness,  looking for every minute of excitement to feel that empty space, many men around me wanted me, admired me, but, but they did not fill the emptiness or offer the love I was searching for..

It was exciting yes, to see Tad after so long; maybe it was more curiosity than excitement to sée him in my home, and wanting him to explain why he did not say goodbye, when I went to prison in Maracaibo, will he have the cojones to explain that now?, after all that love he professed so well in his letters to his grandfather, when we hitchhiked  through the world!  North , Central America and South  America; why did he leave without un adios? I needed to know why? what is it? woman’s  curiosity or that ego with an false pride.?

Now he shows up in my life like nothing happened. A couple years went by but so much has happened, life goes on and on,  my young love in the beach of Puerto Vallarta is going to be here and will I forgive all and forget the past… maybe?, when he embraced me and kissed me and took me in his arms? and told me how much he was sorry, but could do nada, then I will take him by the hand to my white bedroom and just lay my head in his shoulder, like that time in Cuernavaca.

What am I? an aristocrat, a Cossack, or just an ordinary peasant, I only know that my swing bought me hear, what’s now?

So I went to the station to pick up Tad, no  hello just silence, as I drove to my  little home we talked about nothingness, and we realized we had nothing now,  just memories of a beautiful affair in the beaches of Puerto Vallarta– and nothing more.  A young man’s experience with a mature lady and her infatuation with this young man, just a part of life experiences, so  this time we said goodbye, until who knows wen?

I wake up one morning with the phone ringing, my sister, well she is in paradise in Florida on Davis Island, Tampa, a very rich and beautiful area, asking me if I would like to live on the beach in front of the water of the gulf of Mexico.  This has been  my dream since we left the Island of Margarita, I love the water, the sound of the waves, the infiniteness of the horizon and the everlasting sky,  she is  offering for me to come and be  partners 50%/50% having our own Hotel Motel Cabanas, the actual name Casa Chica Cottages Indian Rocks, on the Gulf of Mexico! wohaeeee!  life on my own  beach, my dream come true, this is what  I needed, a chance now in my life, to do good and stop living like a gypsy, which I had lived like since I was a little  baby.

So now what to do?

I called mama and she said, it sounds good, you can sell your house and move there and be the owner of a motel on the beach, but you know it is going to be a lot of work?

That evening I met with Jack my X. and Joy, now was his wife, and her son Billy, We went to play backgammon in a private club, Billy flipped for me, and  I was  free, so o.k.!  I  like him, not love, but I will need some help!

So after no telling everybody goodbye, mama and I started packing, Billy agreed to meet us on FLorida there driving his car , and he  promised  to help, so we  will sée what else will happen,? maybe we’ll live together and have a couple of children? that would be nice I think.

I went next day too a real estate office, and in no time I sold my house, went and bought an new Renault van,  a 4 door car? with no cash they will get their money at escrow, on the sale of my property,  My property was located at the most desirable part of Los Angeles and next to the Paramount Studios, only few blocks away.

So mama help me to prepare my things, which ones will I take?  which to give away? and which to leave them to mother?

So  I  went to sign the papers I already have that  new car,  since yesterday the dealership approved my credit immediately and I drove  the car out of the show room! without a dollar deposit only my word about closing escrow on the next few days, so they will get cash out of the sale of my house.

With the Renault Van paid in full, I still had about 35,000 dollars in cash in my hands or in my pocket.  Time to roll!


One day my sister called me out of the blue, asking if I could help her with her “garage sale.”  I asked her why–  and what are you  selling? She replies: “Everything– my house, my Mercedes Benz — everything! I’m moving to Florida to work with my ex boss, the famous beautician John, and my daughter is coming from Caracas too– depending on what happens with her romance with Carlos. So she may be moving to Florida if she doesn’t get married to this Mexican director or the president of Mexicana first. But Mexican men don’t divorce, especially when they have a high position and the wife has a big, powerful family and children!”

Working in a series For T.V.

Working in a series For T.V.

Well, I guess that’s their business!

The next day we set up  a big garage sale. I went and put out signs for the sale everywhere , signs that I myself made, and I started selling things for her, next to  mama, who was there too. That day we sold everything and what was not sold Galina gave to us and her neighbors as gifts, She was so  happy  giving almost everything away just to get rid of it al. When we asked her how much she made, she answered: “Enough to buy another car and a home on the water in Florida!” But she kept her favorite antiques, furniture from famous people she got  when they divorced; being their manicurist she had some very expensive, beautiful furniture, from people like General Omar Bradley to Jayne Mansfield to Elvis Presley, and on and on!

Then we sat on her front lawn drinking champagne and eating red caviar with black bread, playing Churavly, a favorite song of all of us and many others, like Moscow Nights, very popular in those times. Russian music,  tragic but somehow happy and romantic too, and most of the time melancholic, and being very strong  Russian people when we drink we are happy or  sad we dance and sing the evening away and then go to dinner and after all, happily we went to sleep, me too at my home– the little castle full of greenery and flowers..

New York Night Club in the late 50 ts.my first love.

New York Night Club in the late 50 ts.my first love.

But sadness set in the next day: Galina was going away!  I was going to be all alone here, with more parties and more drinking. More nights showing up at my mamasita’s  doorstep drunk, with Mariachis, bringing her a serenade. That was  all I could do to show her my love and gratitude…


In those days you could take champagne to the airport and flowers for a farewell party for your friends and family, a real Bon Voyage. We had done this fiesta for many years since we first moved to North America.

Remember once Galina  flew with her daughter to Europe, and to Hawaii and Egypt with mama, I have pictures of her on a camel– at that time very few people traveled that why, it was expensive, the whole trip for the 3 of them.

David Carradine, mama and me giving him honors whit flowers in a Country and Western Jubely in the late 60`s

David Carradine, mama and me giving him honors whit flowers in a Country and Western Jubely in the late 60`s

This time it was only across the American continent to Florida, but we still had that lovely bacchanal (sorry, the bacchanals were Daud’s parties,) this was just drunken parties, all with a beautiful excuse of farewell.

How far I had fallen from my early 30s, from fine dry champagne  and cognac VSOP, Napoleon, to just plain vodka or scotch, just booze. That was a long way down from elegant drinking to just boozing, even stealing the vodka or anything and once in a while a glass of good champagne just to remember how it tasted. In those days all the good liquor was not hidden behind lock and key, so it was easier to steal something good, then use some  cheap bottles to carry it away..

My sister had wonderful furniture, from all the famous people were her customers, her clients because she was one of the best manicurist/pedicurists at that time (early 60s). That was the Golden Hollywood era!  She actually invented the French nail manicure and extension, but did not patent it (ignorance is not always bliss!)  Her client’s gave things  to her when they got divorced or remodeled their homes– after all, they were their confidantes and friends and she made them beautiful for the world.

And so I went out more, to discos, to gay bars and to private parties, and cocaine became more and more abundant at  every party. It became a must for me, of course with that goes more drinking (no water please)  and more alcohol for those that know or don’t know, when you use cocaine you can drink and drink and not get drunk . But I also started doing favors to my friends,  providing them cocaine for special occasions.

Hollywood during an interview smoking a pipe for real

Hollywood during an interview smoking a pipe for real

Start doing favors too men friend and woman too provide for special occasions cocaine…

I knew where to get the cocaine , so some time buy it for them, which by the way became a  disaster, because I did not known when they cheat me?, or  the weight, the quality, the price, etc. and I get in trouble with friend’s, but in my sgrow up mine, I did not do nothing wrong,  everyone was getting pist at me and I did not see  why??? .

Lies became a way of life and to the point  That even when they were  not necessary  to lie,  I would still lie, for  any small petty  thing with no importance, got to the point that on parties I would steal the cocaine  by taking so much more than was necessary and then look for more and  look for where  their would be more jiden in the house

By now I was getting broke and did show it, less to my dear  mother, and she was wondering  what was going  with me? wy am I selling all this thinks, of course she never questions me any more because it seems like I had I good reason to do what I was doing, she just love me that’s all.

I start selling all my fantastic worderope from all those big designer I worked for (which I would love too have now) and very expensive books coleccion sense Venezuela that I log with mi wherever I went to live, the once adguard in New York a hull collection of the books of  Winston Churchill he  wrote,  when I went to New York for  modeling job..

May  job took me to a lot  different places.

I knew where to get the coke, so sometimes I would buy it for them, which by the way became a  disaster, because I did noknow when they would cheat me? or the weight, the quality, the price, and so on,  so I would get in trouble with friends. But in my screwed-up mind, I did do nothing wrong,  everyone was getting pissed at me and I did not see why!  Lies became a way of life to the point that even when it was not  necessary  to lie,  I would still lie, for  any small petty  thing with no importance. It got to the point that at parties I would steal the cocaine by taking so much more than was necessary, and then look for more and  look for where  their would be more jiden in the house

By now I was going broke and I did show it, at least to my dear  mother; she was wondering  what was going  on with me? Why am I selling all this things, of course she never questioned me any more, because it seemed like I had I good reason to do what I was doing– she just loved me that’s all.

I start selling all my fantastic wardrobe from all those big designers I worked for (which I would love too have now) and very expensive books, the collection that I lugged with me wherever I went to live– a wholel collection of the books of  Winston Churchill,  when I went to New York for  modeling job..

But  my living  became a big black hole of sadness, remembering my husband Jack crying for Jose, and regretting not having those children of Walter– by now he had children and grandchildren and a second wife– but this was my life now, alone. This life of course did not make me very happy, but I still had a beautiful little house and some friends left. Of course it got to the point where friends began to be fewer and fewer, so I  just took them out  of my directory book (before they did hahaha!) But who did I fool?

I don’t remember a whole lot of that time.  I did not want to do any more modeling, and did not do a good job in interviews or auditions for acting. I lost a big role because of my abusive drinking and drugging. I was not remembering the lines in a theatre play, where I went to learn to act.  Mr. Jeff Corey,  what a great actor, was my teacher and coach, but I just gave up and dedicated myself to drink,   parties and cocaine, and  more garage sales to get more money.I felt like I wanted to hide from other people, so consequently I did not want to be on the stage in a play, so that people would not see my real self.

Thank God the  house was almost fully paid off!

I was not working and doing lots of drinking and I had a houseboy to  pay, but somehow I managed. Except that finally I didn’t even have Fernando anymore–now my faithful servant disappeared forever!  Not before calling me at 3 am, saying, “Señora me agarro la migra, pero regreso pronto, (Señora the immigration pinched me),  don’t worry I  will be back in couple of days a week max!”

He never did come back  This boy came as a wetback, only 13 years old,  to California . It was not the first time he had been caught, now he was 19, so it was all “pan comido” as he would  say. (bread eaten)

I will  never  forget one special evening I invited my sister to go with me to Daud Aline’s Villa for a special party, it was Shabbat dinner with Baba and David his brother and the older brother and the rest of the family and he had a special guest from Baghdad of the royal family visiting him, of course there were belly dancers and arabic music, a very special three way party, and everyone was maintaining their own space and party, it was just weird; the other exotic/erotic party started a little later, with a porno movie running in the other side of the house. So this orgy went on, whoever  wanted to participate in it discreetly did know where and what room to go to; there were artists, movie stars , executives, producers and royalty, all kind of people and ages. I kept avoiding this one Arab Prince related to Daud, but he kept following me everywhere I went, and of course my sister left indignant at my behavior- it made her angry that I did not want anything to do with this Prince! She kept saying “You are crazy Luda !” ( she and mama called me that, when they were really angry with me).

The  highest and hottest people in Hollywood you could think of were all there. The mansion was on  a hill near Sunset Strip with the view of the most interesting part of the old Hollywood . Daud was Muslim so the  big dinner with Baba was a family celebration,a religious day and week end party together.

My bodyguard Fernando, my faithful servant, was supposed to not let me drink too much, but he  could not find me,  poor baby,  except when I wanted him to see me! I told him to follow me everywhere I went , but whenever he did he would say “no más señora” and take my glass! Then I would disappear and find another place to fill it up again in a another cup. As I remember this Prince now, he was not bad looking and very rich  , but I was on another planet with my own “prince”: the booze and drugs, drinking and being a fool– just crazy!

Halloween party in our big home in Northridge Jack and me

Halloween party in our big home in Northridge Jack and me

The  feather does not stay long on the ground, but is constantly moving with the wind, kept aloft, flying away from the earth into the open air that propels her away, away from you– just as you try to touch and hold her beauty, she keeps moving, dancing, flying slowly and softly into the unattainable, ever-moving wind– sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but always moving gracefully through life. And in my life, I have always been  like that feather in the wind.

My  life in the beginning was not so bleak, even when my family struggled just to survive. I was never screaming and crying from hunger, because my father always knew how to provide for us, even in the darkest moments of World War II. To claim that I was hungry, scared or martyred by the war would be baloney!  I grew up happy, curious, loving– everything was fun and I just went flying and floating like that feather on the wind .

Mama and me in the Empire State Bulding

Mama and me in the Empire State Bulding


A Venezuelan friend of my sister nicknamed me “cocoon,”  a baby butterfly, and today as I am writing,  I realize that in reality, that immaturity has been my life for a long time– my feet still do not touch the ground! Being free to flutter and float away, I never had to assume any real responsibility, that I could not manage by a mysterious way I went on and on, maybe do too God has  love for me, in everything I felt there was no real pain– the alcohol and drugs numbed my pain..


There were a few exceptions. One day mother and I were abandoned by all our relatives, and we ended up in this town Valencia where the oranges grow, separated from the others mostly by mama’s  choice.

I remembered (for only the second time) that fear took hold of mi ,  what is going to happen to us?   I will be alone! If she  going to die and live me alone? The first time was that time in Europe when we were in or carazo horse coach, with a caravan of Cossacks escaping.

I was left in a hospital for only one night or two, with severe bronchial congestion and a high fever from the cold and  snow.

So in the evening when there were no nurses or patients walking around  I climbed up to the window, to see where  I was, hoping to see mama coming to rescue me. The night  was pitch dark, with no moon, and that cold weather and chill feeling went deep inside of me, a feeling that I was alone with no one to help. Now I know God way their.


That desperate fear: “They are not coming back to fetch me”– took me in to the dept of fear, next day rescue by my family and in the road again, we went to reunite with the rest of the caravan.


Note this is not a finish material, their be more description and details in the book “Dreams on the Swing” and will have dates and more .

Everyone left, but the  fireplace was still burning so I put on a couple more logs and smiled. How nice it is to be home, sitting with my drink, on that sofa that Grant designed and made of pure hardwood with enormous pillows, and just stare at  the fire,  listening  to the logs crackling that romantic sound and smelling the woodsmoke. If I had a lover at that moment it would be very  exciting, I felt good, but not good enough not to drink and no to want cocaine!  So many memories from this last trip that turned into a nightmare, which then became  a exciting adventure, I just sat there staring at the dancing flames, drink in hand and savoring the drink and flames, the memories of past lovers– not realizing how wonderfully good I had  it at that time..


Family before a new journey

 Time went by fast and I realized I was not alone– a few moments later I went to my bedroom which was across my jungle room where this person was renting, his room was close so I went into my bedroom to unpack the small suitcase full of the treasures of this last journey, in which I hand souvenirs from jail’s,.

As I was unpacking  I noticed Robert standing at my door, extending has hand and apologizing that we had not been introduced  properly, because my family was there and the burden of my arrival.  I agreed and said  si si so  you’re the one that is  supposed have been living here and taking care of my property,

Well well,  where is Jose?

I will tell you later the said, Would  you  like to go to dinner  tonight?  yes,!

So I closed my door and went to my closet, ( in which amazingly, all my dresses were still there!). I proceeded to put on a cockel gown and some real Hollywood  makeup,.

I was hoping that he would  have some cocaine, why I wanted it  I  don’t know,  I just wanted to get high, I guess– that was my reality at that moment.

We walked not too far  from my Hollywood Home, which was in the heart of the city, to a new very tall building and up to the Penthouse, into an elegant restaurant with a great view of all Hollywood. We sat by the window (I never sit at bars even when a man suggests it, (I am just   not a bar person), ordering a dry martini Beefeater. That was Walter’s brand in his liquor stores and I was saying to myself I should call him and tell him of my disappearance–, because I used to go to Sausalito to see him often in his new liquor store,  which was not very successful. Sometimes his son Michael  would come in to mind the liquor store and we would go to “No name bar” and talk and kiss and drink. But his store was not very successful–  he would assure me that we would marry as soon the business picks up. But then he would tell me some stories of his  ill health. I knew this was just to push me away. but we always came back to each others arms when he needed me.

Robert woke me up out of my daydream with  the  martini in hand,  saying “Salud! Welcome back to  L. A. and your home.”

We spent an acceptable evening and then he suggested we go to somebody’s home, their would be cocaine and dancing and music  and that would cheer me up, put me in a happier mood,

Well believe it or not the party way crazy, like all drug parties in Hollywood . I  met a guy, let’s call him Bill, who said if I gave him some money for a big cocaine purchase, not only would I get my part of it but double my 2000 dollars (in the 80s at was a lot of money). This sounded  just fine I had that money from before I left, in the bank,  plus now my renters money for my expenses,  so why not? Needless to tell you that was not so, and I  never saw the cocaina or the money since!

We even met afterward, in almost every party I went,  and it was so incredible his  cynical behavior, he did not even  look at me ignoring  me completely, pretending he had no  commitment to me, like nada happened!  Of course that was not my only f…. up, this first experience was follow by many more– many more. But I will tell you more in my next book.

I started selling all my precious dresses from all the collections from Spain and hear and IN.Y. of courtier high fashion,,,,, and my big  books library that I breck with mi sense Venezuela , which I mail hear  book by books.

But still waiting for my lover Tad or Jose too come running to me,  and the days went in  and out, weeks, and I just drank and drank same more and more– months went by and then a year,  since we departed from each other, ween Tad left  me to continue his journey, saying Jack and Joy couple times, and that was all besides drinking nothing was  important, nothing,

one or two letters arrived from Jose and none from Tad. But of course I knew Tad had gone  to Pamplona for the running of the bulls (which by now was long over) and then he would stay to learn Spanish in Madrid or Barcelona.

Then one day when I had may garage sale,  out of the blue the father of Tad Gail came to my garage sale and bought my whole Winston Churchill collection, very expensive big books almost new ( I never got to read them) and told me that Tad was coming home soon.

This is not the END is just the beginning.


Jack and me in our good times

Mama and Jack  (and his wife Joy, a lady I used to invite to our parties when we were married) were waiting at the airport, and as I embraced mamasita. I could have kissed her to pieces– so I did, I loved this humble woman. She handed me an envelope with my salary commission from Aida Grey salon cosmetics from Beverly Hill where I worked before I left. How thoughtful of her! But that was just her honesty and love, when I left to do business with the Clairol men. Well, you know what happened?

Many employees at A.G.  cosmetics told me when I came back, that  Aida and her big staff there at the main counter treated Mama like a third-class citizen, because she did not wear makeup like all  the customers (which was too much!) and did not wear Gucci clothes. So, consequently they humiliated my sainted momma, made her wait in the workers room in the back, for a long time [while they rounded up may paycheck (those bastards!) You see. money talks and the poor just walk. Revenge? Well I thought of it, but then  I would be as low as they are.

. In those days the salon was full of women like Nancy Reagan and General Bradley’s wife and so on, all the high society lovely ladies dressed in Dior or Versace, ladies that had all the time and lots of money to spend half a day getting (or trying) to look younger and prettier). They only can showed the things money can buy , my mama showed what God had done for us without money! If only they could see her in her furs and hats and gloves, pictures that I still  have, she was a really  Lady and father kept her beautifully, not only because was very important, no,  not only because of has ranks or positions?  but, who he really was, a man of men,  as I just said that is another book, is another story;  this  one is my book  my story,


Dear Mama and my piggy

I wanted Jack to stop the car so I could get a bottle of booze to drink, but Jack said we’re almost at your home, I didn’t remember the man living in my house ? did I meet him before?, but Jack said that he worked with him several times. oh well

Here we are, and as I Look there is a short man standing  at my house  door,  (it must be Robert the roommate Jack got me, ( so I have same money when I came back how good of him after what I did too him.

I said hello and he took my hand and kissed it. Shuuut, it looks like I have a maybe a gentleman in my house,  I said rudely , and mumble my pleasure and  went straight to the little  bar  I had in the kitchen.To my surprise amazingly  it actually their way an full bar including an basket of ice, well well, rum, vodka, and scotch –Johnny Walker black ( in those days there were red or black thats all)  my  favorite of  course way black, I took a glass and poured a lot of it , a little ice and splash of soda, wow, before I offered anybody I finish at and as I waas serving myself another I offer any one por an drink?,  but of course no one wanted a drink at 11am.

“Please Robert, can you put a log in the fire, its cold in here!~Well its winter, where is my servant Fernando? Joy  replied that he disappeared,. “God thank you and thank you all!” I don’t known if anyone heard me or I just had it on my mind?.I went too say goodbye to all especially mama and Jack.

Just knowing the heart of my dearest mummy and  also so grateful to Jack,  I felt  good after  that big drink, Mama wanted to leave; she had Church that afternoon and  tomorrow so she was ready to  leave  Of course Joy immediately volunteered, signaling to Jack. “Let’s go. let her rest” after so an long trip, she said.

After all she obviously did not want Jack to stay any longer, especially alone with me, (wise move and diplomatic and wanting Jack for herself). She knew the divorce did not matter, he still loved me, which I did not know at that time. So he behaved very cool; if he would stay she knew she would never see him again, so that was a great move from her part.

Jack-Son  as I embrace him (goodbye see you soon) so close to his ears and face that we almost kiss on the mouth, when we heart Joy saY, Jack  her mother is waiting are you   coming?,  I did not want him to go, to live alone now, after all I went , I wanted to tell him all the story by the fireplace so beautiful ,real Italian style with read breeks,  where is my decorator carpenter mastro and more, deer  Grand, like  to go horse riding with him , will call him manana,  with my drink on may had.

I tuit  waw good excuse  calculated move of Joy’s part, taken mama and Jack of course,I don’t know what would happen if he stay? will we remarry ?,  after all we had a fantastic life, not a dull moment and  lots of fun, and busy  full life sex , romance, society travel, only God known? he had other plans for us, if she did not call him at that moment, she knew he still love me,  because  we were about to kiss when she call him.

Good night Ludmila rest well as she tuck Jack’s arm pulling him away from me  we talk tomorrow maybe we’ll go too the club and play some  backgammon,  I want you to meet some people, friends of mine,  Jack was still  holding may another hand  reluctant and sadly to let go,

I did not  jump back in his arms as I wanted,  still feeling like I was has wife, but the reality hit me on the face: “Slow downLuda let it be, let go, relax,” I said to myself.

It was weird, it still feels like he is my husband after all I done to him? just like before I felt, he was  waiting for me to come back home , and like before to forgive my immature alcoholic behavior.

But we did not know that then.

In the Hotel Tamanaco doing a commercial for the car and special Fashion Show.

In the Hotel Tamanaco doing a commercial for the car and special Fashion Show.

I waited for my niece to finish her duties. She was a Public Relations manager for this gorgeous Melia Hotel in the beach of Macuto . I just sat done with my kitty in my bag and enjoyed this beautiful place— for the moment all my troubles seemed so far way.
When my niece was ready, we took a taxi to her place where her mother was awaiting for us, and they did not seem to  mind my kitty. My niece loves cats, but the fleas she pointed out; you see this cat had never seen a vet or taken any medicine even been washed. To me, she seemed very clean , but admittedly she did have lots of fleas!
That evening we went to dinner with niece’s boyfriend.  First we went by to see his place in Caracas , and then out to a nice restaurant. They seemed so in love and happy and I was too. My sister was not so happy about him, but of course I did not known he was married and in the process of divorce at that time..
Mmy cousin Luis son of my brother Anatoly in Canaima i his Island.

Mmy cousin Luis son of my brother Anatoly in Canaima i his Island.

My niece had a wonderful place, full of orchids and so charming and so light. It was hidden by gigantic trees, with the view in between the palm trees moving with an whispering breeze, just letting you peek through  to see the magic blue waters of the Caribbean and the infinite sky with the white patchy clouds. I loved it that way, a perfect place to relax and dream..
This lovely afternoon I decided to get some flea kill powder from the drugstore, and since the pharmacy did not say anything how to apply it, I put the whole amount in the kitties long fur and then I proceed to washed it off, when to my horror she began to choke and breath heavily and  die in my hands! I cannot describe the loss  and pain,  not because she way my companion in that cell in my hammock, but because I loved her, and murdered her because of my ignorance. With tears and guilt, I buried her in the beach on the sand where the waves would keep her with a lullaby putting her to eternal sleep, where high tide would notreach, and I realized that was time to leave all this behind and go home– this part of my life  came to an end.
Sadly I told everyone at dinner what happened with mycat, but they all laughed at me — in my eyes tears were slowly, gently rolling down my cheeks. But that is life… so getting up and going to the guest room, I said  goodnight to all. I told them I was going to call Jack and tell him I am coming home .
“Hello Jackson , I had enough of adventure and romance for a while, please let me know where are the keys to my home? What, you rented it to an associate of yours?  O.K, I guess I can use the money. I will leave tomorrow for Los  Angeles , what? You will pick me up with my mama?
“Yes, I’d love that, thanks you’re great!  See your manana..”